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It had Flaherty down on th' flure an' was feedin' him with a book they call th' 'Christyan Martyrs, whin Mrs. O'Grady put a bottle in Flaherty's hands. 'What's this? says Flaherty. 'Howly wather, says Mrs. O'Grady. 'Sprinkle it on him, says Mrs. O'Grady. 'Woman, says th' tailor between th' chapter iv th' book, 'this is no time f'r miracles, he says.
Says th' Topeka man, skinnin' over th' gossip about Christyan citizenship an' th' toolchest iv pothry: 'Eliza, here's a good paper, a fine wan, f'r ye an' th' childher. Sind Tommy down to th' corner an' get me a copy iv th' Polis Gazette." "Ye see, Hinnissy, th' editor wint to th' wrong shop f'r what Hogan calls his inspiration.
Th' Northwestern Christyan Advycate says this is not thrue, but that George Dixon was outpointed be an English boxer in a twinty-r-round go in New York." "Ye've got things mixed up," said Mr. Dooley. "I get th' news sthraight. 'Twas this way. Th' Spanish fleet was bottled up in Sandago Harbor, an' they dhrew th' cork. That's a joke. I see it in th' pa-apers.
Continuin' to play with great dash, but always prudently, he had a sure putt iv not more thin forty feet to bate th' records f'r prisidints f'r this hole, a record that was established be th' prisident iv th' Women's Christyan Timp'rance Union in nineteen hundhred an' three. His opponent cried 'I give it to ye, an' th' prisidint was down in a brillyant twinty two. "An' there ye ar-re.
Dooley, "they'll know a thing or two about good manners an' Christyan idees." "They need thim," said Mr. Hennessy. "They do so," said Mr. Dooley. "An' they'll get thim. By an' by th' allied foorces will proceed to Peking. It may not be in ye'er life time or in mine, or in th' life time iv th' ministhers, Hinnissy. They ar-re in no hurry.
They was another young la-ad r-runnin' in fr-front iv Dorgan; an', as fast as wan iv th' Christyan Brothers come up an' got in th' way, this here young Saint Aloysius grabbed him be th' hair iv th' head an' th' sole iv th' fut, an' thrun him over his shoulder. 'What's that la-ad doin'? says I. 'Interferin', says he. 'I shud think he was, says I, 'an' most impudent, I says.
'Durin' th' Spanish-American War, I held a good job as a dhramatic critic in Dedham, Matsachoosets, he says. 'Whin th' bullets flew thickest in th' Soodan I was spoortin' editor iv th' Christyan Advocate, he says.
Whin th' tars go ashore they hurry at wanst to th' home iv th' Christyan Indeavor Society or throng th' free libries readin' relligous pothry. Me frind Bob Evans is goin' to conthribute a series iv articles to th' Ladies' Home Journal on croshaying. F'r th' Hague Peace Conference has abolished war, Hinnissy. Ye've seen th' last war ye'll iver see, me boy.
Instead iv tellin' thim th' blessed truth, instead iv leadin' thim up be thurly Christyan teachings to an undherstandin' iv what is right an' what is ideel in life, he poisons their innocent minds with th' malicious, premeditated falsehood I can't think iv an uglier or shorter wurrud that wud go with premeditated that th' wolf kills th' grizzly bear be sinkin' its hidyous fangs into th' gapin' throat iv its prey.
So, be th' powers, we've started in again to improve th' race; an', if we can get in Gatlin' guns enough befure th' winter's snows, we'll tur-rn thim Chippeways into a cimitry branch iv th' Young Men's Christyan Association. We will so. "Ye see, Hinnissy, th' Indyun is bound f'r to give way to th' onward march iv white civilization. You an' me, Hinnissy, is th' white civilization.
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