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Updated: June 27, 2025
"Oi'd av know'd um in hiven or hell, or Hong-Kong. Captain Fronte's own silf, he is, as loike as two peas. An' the age av Captain Fronte befure he was kilt, phwin he was th' besht officer in all th' British ar-rmy or an-ny ar-rmy.
They're shy iv backs, eyes an' mud piles, an' they will be until they larn that sheep-herdin' an' gin'ralship ar-re diff'rent things, an' fill up their ar-rmy with men that ar-re not fightin' f'r money or glory, but because they want to get home to their wives alive." "Ye talk like an' ol book," said Mr. Hennessy, in disgust. "Ye with ye- re maundhrin' ar-re no betther thin thim expert la-ads."
They announce that th' whole Boer ar-rmy is as green as wall paper, an' th' Irish brigade has sthruck because ye can't tell their flag fr'm th' flag iv th' r-rest iv th' Dutch. Th' Fr-rinch gin'ral in command iv th' Swedish corps lost his complexion an' has been sint to th' hospital, an' Mrs.
Th' English kept comin' an' the Boers kept movin' till they cudden't move anny further without bumpin' into th' Soodanese ar-rmy an' thin they settled down an' says they, 'This far shall we go, says they, bein' a rellijous people, 'an' divvle th' sthep further. An' they killed off th' irrelijous naygurs an' started in f'r to raise cattle.
It was all referred to me whin I was Prisident. I am here to see that th' honor iv me high office is not assailed. I protest I did not say what an anonymous corryspondint in to-night's Sore says I said. I did me jooty. Whin I saw th' ar-rmy disorganized an' Fr-rance beset be foreign foes, I raysigned. What was I to do?
Th' style has changed. There ar-re fifty thousand backward men in th' fair isles iv th' Passyfic fightin' to free th' Philippeen fr'm himsilf an' becomin' a casualty in th' operation, but no one is charterin' ar-rmy hospital ships f'r thim." "No one is convartin' anny steam yachts f'r thim. No wan is sindin' eighty tons iv plum puddin' to complete th' wurruk iv destruction.
"'I defer to th' ar-rmy whose honor is beyond reproach, says th' polisman, 'or recognition, he says. 'Veev l'army! he says. "'Thank ye, says Gin'ral Bellow, salutin'. 'I will do me jooty. Man can do no more, he says. 'Jools, he says, 'surrinder, he says. 'Ye cannot longer hol' out, he says. 'Ye have provisions on'y f'r eight years.
"'What we want to do f'r our sojer boys in th' Ph'lipeens besides killin' thim, says th' ar-rmy surgeon, 'is make th' place more homelike, he says. 'Manny iv our heroes hasn't had th' deleeryum thremens since we first planted th' stars an' sthripes, he says, 'an' th' bay'nits among th' people, he says.
Th' officers in th' field at prisint is well qualified f'r command iv th' new ar-rmy; an', if they'd put blinders on th' mules, they wudden't be scared back be wan iv thim Spanish fleets that a jackass sees whin he's been up all night, secretly stuffing himsilf with silo. They'd give wan hew-haw, an' follow their leaders through th' hear-rt iv th' inimy's counthry.
Whin me frind Gin'ral Merritt was ladin' a gallant charge again blank catredges, who was it ranged his noble ar-rmy iv pathrites behind him f'r to see that no wan attackted him fr'm th' sea but Aggynaldoo? He was a good man thin, a good noisy man. "Th' throuble was he didn't know whin to knock off. He didn't hear th' wurruk bell callin' him to come in fr'm playin' ball an' get down to business.
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