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Updated: May 23, 2025
He doant find the klime-it here as healthy as it is in Sardis. i 'stinguished myself and have bin promoted, and ive got a Rebel gun for you with a bore big enuff to put a walnut in, and it'll jest nock your hole darned shoulder off every time you shoot it. No more yours til deth send me some finecut tobacker for heavens sake. Jacob Alspaugh.
Of couse we'll give you another show. Come right along in your old place, and welcome." There was but one dissenting voice. It was that of Jake Alspaugh: "No, I'll be durned if we want ye along any more. We've no place for sich fellers with us. We only want them as has sand in their craws." But the protest was overslaughed by the multitude of assents.
Denslow, as he finished the last crumb and drop of his portion of the food, "for the accession to your company at this needful time, of a tower of strength in the person of Lieutenant Jacob Alspaugh."
I was cruel enough to see a coincidence in this attack and the general marching orders, and I prescribed for his ailments a thorough course of open air exercise. To be sure that my prescription would be taken I had the Provost-Marshal interest himself in my patient's case, and the result was that Alspaugh joined the regiment, and so far has found it difficult to get away from it.
Going into the wards one morning, Rachel found that Lieutenant Jacob Alspaugh had been brought in, suffering from what the Surgeon pronounced to be "febrile symptoms of a mild type, from which he will no doubt recover in a few days, with rest, quiet and proper food.
Jacob Alspaugh expressed the conclusion instantly arrived at by every one in the regiment: "It's all you could expect of one of them kid-glove fellers, to weaken when it came to serious business."
Did you think, sir, that it was a hod of brick with which I have no doubt you are most familiar that you could dump down any place and any how, sir? Such misconduct is simply disgraceful, sir, I'd have you know. Simply disgraceful, sir." He paused for breath, but Alspaugh had no word of defense to offer.
"If he did, he had to use a surveyor's chain," suggested Kent, flipping another small pebble in the direction of the toad's retreat. Alspaugh had grown so great upon the liberal feed of the meat of flattery, that he could hardly make himself believe that he had heard aright, and that these men did not care a fig for himself or his authority.
But really it is only possible to a thoroughly drilled company, held well in hand by a competent commander. It is something that, if done well, is simply done well, but if not done well, is very bad. It is like an egg that is either good or utterly worthless. Alspaugh seemed fated to exhaust the category of possible mistakes.
The men took short side-steps, and following the orders which Alspaugh repeated from the whispered suggestions of the Orderly, the company came clumsily forward into its place, "dressed," and "opened ranks to the rear."
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