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Which proves that His Excellency, though dreamy, had experience of the ways of six-thousand-rupee men. Mellishe's name was E. Mellishe and Mellish's was E. S. Mellish, and they were both staying at the same hotel, and the Fate that looks after the Indian Empire ordained that Wonder should blunder and drop the final "e;" that the Chaprassi should help him, and that the note which ran: "Dear Mr.
Mellishe of Madras had been so portentously solemn about his "conference," that Wonder had arranged for a private tiffin no A.-D. C.'s, no Wonder, no one but the Viceroy, who said plaintively that he feared being left alone with unmuzzled autocrats like the great Mellishe of Madras. But his guest did not bore the Viceroy. On the contrary, he amused him.
But it is easier to see a Viceroy than to talk to him, unless you chance to be as important as Mellishe of Madras. He was a six-thousand-rupee man, so great that his daughters never 'married. They 'contracted alliances. He himself was not paid.
The Viceroy knew nothing of Mellishe except that he was 'one of those middle-class deities who seem necessary to the spiritual comfort of this Paradise of the Middle-classes, and that, in all probability he had 'suggested, designed, founded, and endowed all the public institutions in Madras. Which proves that His Excellency, though dreamy, had experience of the ways of six-thousand-rupee men.
Isn't it fine! Then they give Mellishe statues and jasmine garlands, in the hope of getting rid of him. Mellishe came up to Simla 'to confer with the Viceroy. That was one of his perquisites.
But it is easier to see a Viceroy than to talk to him, unless you chance to be as important as Mellishe of Madras. He was a six-thousand-rupee man, so great that his daughters never "married." They "contracted alliances." He himself was not paid. He "received emoluments," and his journeys about the country were "tours of observation."
His business was to stir up the people in Madras with a long pole as you stir up stench in a pond and the people had to come up out of their comfortable old ways and gasp: "This is Enlightenment and progress. Isn't it fine!" Then they gave Mellishe statues and jasmine garlands, in the hope of getting rid of him. Mellishe came up to Simla "to confer with the Viceroy."
Glorious!" sobbed his Excellency. "Not a germ, as you justly observe, could exist! I can swear it. A magnificent success!" Then he laughed till the tears came, and Wonder, who had caught the real Mellishe snorting on the Mall, entered and was deeply shocked at the scene. But the Viceroy was delighted, because he saw that Wonder would presently depart.
Mellishe's name was E. Mellishe, and Mellish's was E.S. Mellish, and they were both staying at the same hotel, and the Fate that looks after the Indian Empire ordained that Wonder should blunder and drop the final 'e'; that the Chaprassi should help him, and that the note which ran DEAR MR. MELLISH, Can you set aside your other engagements, and lunch with us at two to-morrow?
Glorious! sobbed His Excellency. 'Not a germ, as you justly observe, could exist! I can swear it. A magnificent success! Then he laughed till the tears came, and Wonder, who had caught the real Mellishe snorting on the Mall, entered and was deeply shocked at the scene. But the Viceroy was delighted, because he saw that Wonder would presently depart.
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