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Updated: May 19, 2025
I knew the fallacy of appealing to their father, as they and their mother would tell falsehoods, and my word would not be taken in contradiction of theirs. I had experience of this, as the postmistress had complained of Jimmy, to be insulted by his father, who could see no imperfection in his children. M'Swat was much away from home at that time.
I was pronounced too ill to act as scribe; Lizer was suggested, and then Jimmy, but M'Swat settled the matter thus: "Sure, damn it! I'm the proper one to write on an important business matther like this here." So pens, ink, and paper were laid on the dining-room table, and the great proclamation went forth among the youngsters, "Pa is goin' to write a whole letter all by hisself."
After reading my letters I wept till every atom of my body writhed with agonized emotion. I was aroused by Mrs M'Swat hammering at my door and inquiring: "What ails ye, child? Did ye git bad noos from home?" I recovered myself as by a miracle, and replied, no; that I was merely a little homesick, and would be out presently.
There was no entertainment to be had from the diaries, so I attempted a conversation with Mrs M'Swat. "A penny for your thoughts." "I wuz jist watchin' the rain and thinkin' it would put a couple a bob a head more on sheep if it keeps on." What was I to do to pass the day? I was ever very restless, even in the midst of full occupation.
Them as can't do without a useless luxury like that for a spell will never make much of a show at gettin' on in the wu-r-r-r-1d," concluded Mr M'Swat, sententiously.
"How long, how long!" was my cry, as I walked out ankle-deep in the dust to see the sun, like a ball of blood, sink behind the hills on that February evening. Where Ignorance is Bliss, 'Tis Folly to be Wise When by myself, I fretted so constantly that the traces it left upon me became evident even to the dull comprehension of Mrs M'Swat.
Whether Mrs M'Swat saw she had been in fault the day before I know not; certain it is that the children ever after that obeyed me, and I heard no more of the matter; neither, as far as I could ascertain, did the "ruction" reach the ears of M'Swat.
When Lizer's back would be turned, the girls would ask me how I managed to live at Barney's Gap, and expressed themselves of the opinion that it was the most horrible hole in the world, and Mrs M'Swat the dirtiest creature living, and that they would not go there for 50 pounds a week.
"The boys found a bees' nest in a tree an' have been robbin' it the smornin'," continued Mrs M'Swat. "Yes; we have ample exemplification of that," I responded. It was honey here and honey there and honey everywhere. It was one of the many varieties of dirt on the horrible foul-smelling tablecloth. It was on the floor, the door, the chairs, the children's heads, and the cups.
Those children, not through poverty M'Swat made a boast of his substantial banking account but on account of ignorance and slatternliness, were the dirtiest urchins I have ever seen, and were so ragged that those parts of them which should have been covered were exposed to view. The majority of them had red hair and wide hanging-open mouths.
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