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Ivrything over here is th' same ol' pair iv boots. Nawthin' doin'. Peking is as quiet as th' gr-rave. Her majesty, th' impress, is sufferin' slightly fr'm death be poison, but is still able to do th' cookin' f'r the Rooshan ambassadure. Th' impror was beheaded las' week an' feels so much betther f'r the op'ration that he expicts to be quarthered nex' Sundah.
An' th' ambassadure he says: 'Mos' rile an' luminous citizen, here is a copy iv th' Annual Thanksgivin' pro-clamation, he says. 'Tis addhressed to all th' hearty husbandmen iv our belovid counthry, manin' you among others, he says. 'An' here, he says, 'is th' revised constitution, he says.
Give th' names iv Dorsey an' Flannagan, an' if th' English ambassadure goes by get down on ye'er ban's an' knees an' don't make a sign till he's out iv sight, he says. 'Th' stout party in blue near by'll be Mark Hanna. He may be able to arrange a raypublican meetin' f'r ye to addhress, he says. 'The gr- reat hear-rt iv th' raypublican party throbs f'r ye. So does Mack's, he says.
"Me frind, th' American ambassadure was there, an' manny iv th' seats iv larnin' in th' gran' stand was occupied be th' flower iv our seminaries iv meditation or thought conservatories. I r-read it in th' pa-apers. At th' time I come in they was recitin' a pome fr'm th' Greek, to a thoughtful-lookin' young profissor wearin' th' star-spangled banner f'r a necktie an' smokin' a cigareet.
"'The Impror held a meetin' iv th' Elder Statesmen to-night to discuss sindin' a fleet to San Francisco to punish th' neglect iv threaty rights iv th' Japanese be a sthreet car conductor who wudden't let a subjick iv th' Mickydoo ride on th' Thirty-first Sthreet line with an Ogden Avnoo thransfer dated August eighteen hundherd an' siventy-two. 'Th' Prisidint has ordhered th' arrest an' imprisonmint iv a dentist in Albany who hurt a Jap'nese whose tooth he was fillin'. He has raquisted th' Mickydoo to give us another chance befure layin' waste our land. 'Followin' th' advice iv th' Jap'nese ambassadure f'r poor young Japs to marry rich American girls, a Jap'nese combynation theelogical student an' cook applied f'r th' hand iv th' daughter iv th' boordin'-house keeper where he was employed.
Th' Prisidint has ordhered th' lady to marry th' Chink. 'Th' Hoop-la Theatre was closed last night on complaint iv th' Jap'nese ambassadure that th' Fluff Opry Comp'ny was givin' a riprisintation iv Jap'nese charackter in pink robes instead iv th' seemly black derby hats, a size too large, Prince Albert coats, pear-colored pants, button shoes, sthring neckties, an' spectacles which is th' well-known unyform iv th' gloryous race.
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