Had he been president in 1776 there might not have been any revolution, and had he but been president in 1491 God knows what there might not have been. America in Sunshine and Shadow B. F. Bramp. 2 Vols. The Roguish Royalist Anonymous Mirrors of Salt Lake City By the Gentleman with the Cuspidor. 5 Vols. Amy Snurge, a Grand Woman Ernest Frapple. 2 Vols. "Columbia Beware!" Weedheim.
I will not seek to write of E. Maxwell Snurge as his friends have written of him, tall, courageous, and vitally intelligent. Nor as his enemies have chronicled him, short, fat and intensely stupid.
Now comes the point of the story, Snurge surveyed his catch quietly for a few moments those standing near by noticed sternly repressed tears in his eyes then he said a thing which come what may will eternally prove him the possessor of unparalleled insight and humanity. Touching the recumbent fish gently with his foot he sighed deeply
It is my desire to convey to the reader the real E. Maxwell Snurge shorn of tawdry trappings of party politics and the illusion and glamour of public idolatry a man just a man but what a man! To dwell on the widely circulated story of his life would be needless, and to follow his political career, merely futile. What is there left? you ask.
Think as I sometimes think what a sad thing, what a vortex of conflicting emotions the heart of Amy Snurge must have been during those hard years, knowing her husband's strength and resource, deploring yet loving his weakness, encouraging, aiding and abetting his every act with the feminine pertinacity which has characterized the world's greatest heroines.
Many have asked that question, he frequently used to ask it himself, and his wife the sainted Amy Snurge of ever revered memory would rest her thin, ascetic hand upon his coat sleeve and answer him with yearning sympathy but little satisfaction Why?
And I answer you with extreme firmness, there is one aspect of E. Maxwell Snurge which has never been seriously analysed his soul! And it is that and that alone which will be the foundation stone of my structural portrayal of his character. Why wasn't E. Maxwell Snurge president of the United States?
Athletic from birth, Snurge cast his line repeatedly far out to sea with the strength and dogged perseverance which characterised his every deed but alas, nearly fifteen hours went by before his patience was rewarded. Day had turned to dusk and the sun was setting when he was suddenly jerked from the fishing stand into the water.
Pipper's imaginative description ends too abruptly to be really satisfactory; but one fact about the life of Jabez Puffwater will remain emblazoned on America's history for time immemorial that if he had only possessed the rhetoric of a Proon the presence of a Hooter the education of a Floop the racial understanding of a Bogtoe and the mentality of a Snurge he would not only have proved himself invaluable to the home constituency of Oggsville, Ken. but have been an entirely different man altogether.
Poor woman, no wonder the grave claimed her so soon, for like the bass like Democracy, her vitality was exhausted by the destructive and constructive force of Snurge. Only unlike the bass she couldn't swim well, and unlike Democracy she had the man to contend with as well as the politician.