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Updated: May 3, 2025
Landlord. Scrubs, I don't, nor can't, nor won't call them that pay their debts honestly. Scrubs, I don't, nor won't, nor can't, call them that behave as handsome as young Mr. Talbot did here to me this morning about the hunter. A scrub he is not, wife. Fancy-dress or no fancy-dress, Mr. Finsbury, this young gentleman is no scrub. Finsb. Dear me! 'Twas not I said SCRUB. Did I say scrub? Farm.
Grandees was your own word, wife. They be not to call grandees; but I reckon you'd be sorry not to treat 'em civil, when I tell you their name is Talbot, mother and sister to our young Talbot, of Eton; he that paid me so handsome for the hunter this very morning. Landlady. Mercy! is that all? What a combustion for nothing in life! Finsb.
No matter if you did. Finsb. No matter, certainly; and yet it is a matter; for I'm confident I wouldn't for the world leave it in anyone's power to say that I said that I called any young gentleman of Eton a SCRUB! Why, you know, sir, it might breed a riot! Farm. And a pretty figure you'd make in a riot! Landlady. Pray let me hear nothing about riots in my house. Farm. Nor about scrubs. Finsb.
And it must be allowed that nothing in nature can have a better effect than Mr. Drake's flesh-colour and blue, with this Spanish hat, ma'm, you see. French fleet at sea Hum! Landlady. O gemini: Mr. Drake's Spanish hat is the sweetest, tastiest thing! Mr. Finsbury, I protest Finsb. Why, ma'm, I knew a lady of your taste couldn't but approve of it. My own invention entirely, ma'm.
Finsb. Well, ma'm, I'm glad I have your approbation. It has ever been my study to please the ladies. Farm. And is this the way to please the ladies, Mrs. Landlady, nowadays? Finsb. Sir, with your leave I ask pardon but the least thing detriments these tender colours; and as you have just been eating cheese with your hands Farm. 'Tis my way to eat cheese with my mouth, man. Finsb. Farm.
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