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Updated: June 12, 2025
"I shall be off to the highlands this fall; but, cuss em, they hante got no woods there; nothin' but heather, and thats only high enough to tear your clothes. That's the reason the Scotch don't wear no breeches, they don't like to get 'em ragged up that way for everlastinly, they can't afford it; so they let em scratch and tear their skin, for that will grow agin, and trowsers won't.
If that old Turk, Mahomed, had seed these galls, he wouldn't a bragged about his beautiful ones in paradise so for everlastinly, I know; for these English heifers would have beat 'em all holler, that's a fact. For my part, I call myself a judge.
"Why," said he, "when I was a considerable of a grown up saplin of a boy to Slickville, I used to be a gunnin' for everlastinly amost in our hickory woods, a shootin' of squirrels with a rifle, and I got amazin' expart at it. I could take the head off of them chatterin' little imps, when I got a fair shot at 'em with a ball, at any reasonable distance, a'most in nine cases out of ten.
A cabbage has plaguy large leaves to the bottom, and spreads them out as wide as an old woman's petticoats, to hide the ground it sprung from, and conceal its extraction, but what's that to you? If they get too large salaries, dock 'em down at once, but don't keep talkin about it for everlastinly.
So don't be so infarnal mealy-mouthed, with your mock modesty face, a turnin' up of the whites of your eyes as if you was a chokin', and savin' 'No Bun-kum, Mr. Slick. Cuss that word Bunkum! I am sorry I ever told you that are story, you will be for everlastinly a throwin' up of that are, to me now.
"Why," said he, "when I was a considerable of a grown up saplin of a boy to Slickville, I used to be a gunnin' for everlastinly amost in our hickory woods, a shootin' of squirrels with a rifle, and I got amazin' expart at it. I could take the head off of them chatterin' little imps, when I got a fair shot at 'em with a ball, at any reasonable distance, a'most in nine cases out of ten.
"I'll teach you to talk that way, you puppy you," said he, "of that glorious day;" and he fetched me a wipe that I do believe if I hadn't a dodged, would have spoiled my gunnin' for that hitch; so I gave him a wide birth arter that all day. Well, the next time I missed, says I, "She hung fire so everlastinly, it's no wonder;" and the next miss, says I, "The powder is no good, I vow."
So don't be so infarnal mealy-mouthed, with your mock modesty face, a turnin' up of the whites of your eyes as if you was a chokin', and savin' 'No Bun-kum, Mr. Slick. Cuss that word Bunkum! I am sorry I ever told you that are story, you will be for everlastinly a throwin' up of that are, to me now.
Slick, "holdin' the high and dignified station I do, as Attache, they will be a-pumpin' me for everlastinly, will the great men here, and they think a plaguy sight more of our opinion than you are aware on; we have tried all them things they are a jawin' about here, and they naterally want to know the results.
If that old Turk, Mahomed, had seed these galls, he wouldn't a bragged about his beautiful ones in paradise so for everlastinly, I know; for these English heifers would have beat 'em all holler, that's a fact. For my part, I call myself a judge.
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