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Updated: May 6, 2025
It is a point, which it takes the key of the play Lord Bacon's key, of 'Times, to put in. It wants but a comma, but then it must be a comma in the right place, to make English of it. Plain English, unvarnished English, but poetic in its fact, as any prophecy that Merlin was to make. 'The oldest hath borne most, we that are young Shall never see so much, nor live so long.
But we kept her and were patient with her on account of her father, John Swaney, a hard-working man who was trying to make something of the Princess, so we put up with her perfumery and her powder rags and her royal airs, and did all we could to teach her the difference between a comma and a period though she never really learned; and we were still patient with her, even when she deliberately pied a lot of type after being corrected for some piece of carelessness or worse.
Even if the comma bacilli are not found in the urine, other bacteria are; and even Koch supposes that they secrete a virulent poison similar to that of some insects, which may be absorbed into the blood and escape from the kidneys. Some of the manners and customs of the Hindoos are very peculiar.
And finally he demanded: "Do you suppose a heroine like Marguerite Andrews would have overlooked the comma on the postal card that woman read in the third act, and so made the fourth act possible? Not she. She's a woman with a mind. And yet they call that the latest London realistic success! Realistic! These Londoners do not seem to understand their own language.
The comma bacilli thrive best at temperatures between 30° and 40° C., but they are not very sensitive to low temperatures, their growth not being prevented until 17° or 16° C. is reached. In this respect they agree with anthrax bacilli.
But it is beautiful to hear and see, when two scribes have been appointed, how at first they praise each other's words, as did Trissotin and Vadius; how gradually each objects to this comma or to that epithet; how from moment to moment their courage will arise, till at last every word that the other has written is foul nonsense and flat blasphemy; till Vadius at last will defy his friend in prose and verse, in Greek and Latin.
Even the sober spondee is not to be entirely discarded; for though it consists of two long syllables, and for that reason may seem rather dull and heavy, it has yet a firm and steady step, which gives it an air of dignity, and especially in the comma and the colon; so that it sufficiently compensates for the slowness of it's motion, by it's peculiar weight and solemnity.
The intrusion or omission of a comma was sufficient to discompose him, and he would lament an error of a single letter as a heavy calamity.
"If that isn't business-like, I don't know what is!" exclaimed Cadbury, when it was read through. "If ink was a shilling a drop, you couldn't have been more chary of it. There's not an 'a', 'an', or 'the' throughout, nor a comma, nor an adjective, and the contractions are masterly. We're all born commercial clerks, that's what we are!"
The Major is reading the newspaper, and groaning aloud at every comma, because the Government has no sense at all, and the only man who could put things straight is tied by the heel by half a dozen children.
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