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Updated: June 11, 2025
"An' you mean to tell me that this low-grade Dick Cleighton puts up that job on Jim, just so he can beat him to the title?" sez I. "Yes," sez Bill, "you see he was the heir presumptive, only once removed." "Well, if I'd had the job o' removin'," sez I, "once, would 'a' been plenty."
I was wearin' a Prince Albert coat an' a high plug hat, Locals had on a white flannel yachtin' rig, an' Hammy was sportin' a velvet suit with yeller leggin's an' a belt around the waist. After we had fitted him out with a pipe he sez, "Gentlemen, I may possibly be able to repay you at some future time. I am Lord Arthur Cleighton, second son of the Earl o' Clarenden."
We both laughed, lookin' into each other's eyes, an' it did us good. "Now this Cleighton family is a great family in England and Scotland," sez Bill, "The Earl of Clarenden is the head of one branch an' the Duke of Avondale is the head of another. The sons are called lords, an' they have lots of land, but are running shy on money, an' the main stem of the family is getting purty well thinned out."
"Well, James gets an awful callin' down," sez Bill, "an' he cuts loose from the family an' goes to live in London, where he's a leftenant. Richard Cleighton, his cousin, who is the heir presumptive, once removed, sneaks down there an' comes back with the report that James is married to Alice LeMoyne, a music-hall dancer." "Jim swung purty wide in his taste for women, didn't he?" sez I.
Now if you'll just answer my questions the same as if I was human, I'll sit up an' beg, jump over a stick, an' do all my other tricks for you." Bill would allus tumble if you hit him hard enough, so after a bit he grinned an' said, "Well, Clarenden Castle is one o' the seats of the Cleighton family " "Seat?" sez I. "I allus thought it was a house."
About four years after, this Alice LeMoyne dies, an' on her deathbed she confesses that she is the wife of Richard Cleighton an' helped to put up the job on James to get him out of the way, as the heir apparent didn't look like a long-liver, an' she thought she would like to be an Erless, with a chance of being a Duchess even."
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