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Whether it was the deep-throated voice of England that had spoken, or merely the voice of the Dean's favourite niece so skilled in painting tea-cosies the affair was excessively serious. For the nation was preparing to inter in the National Valhalla the remains of just Henry Leek!
I question whether that would not impair the humour of the situation. And besides, my dear Sir, the pith of the whole device is to take that money from you. The Ingenuous Public. True. But at least the Bazaar might take back the tea-cosies and pen-wipers. The Tout. I have no doubt, if you were to ask it handsomely, that you would be so far accommodated. Still it is out of the theory.
The new purchasers, in their turn, will accurately imitate the dispositions of your lady wife. In short, Sir, the whole affair is a cycle of operations. The tea-cosies and pen-wipers are merely counters; they come off and on again like a stage army; and year after year people pretend to buy and pretend to sell them, with a vivacity that seems to indicate a talent for the stage.
Clergymen can be policemen; rugs can rage like wild animals; tea-cosies can smell of the sea; if only there is at the back of them all one bright and amusing idea. What is really funny about Christmas charades in any average home is that there is a contrast between commonplace resources and one comic idea.
The sham goods, for which, believe me, I readily understand your disaffection the sham goods are well adapted for their purpose. Your lady wife will lay these tea-cosies and pen-wipers aside in a safe place, until she is asked to contribute to another Charity Bazaar. There the tea-cosies and pen-wipers will be once more charitably sold.
"Human science can never be quite certain of things like that," said Father Brown, still looking at the red budding of the branches over his head, "if only because of the difficulty about definition and connotation. What is a weapon? People have been murdered with the mildest domestic comforts; certainly with tea-kettles, probably with tea-cosies.
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