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Updated: May 16, 2025
A hedge concealed the vegetable garden, where the village urchins were in the habit of pilfering their beloved cucumbers with perfect impunity, since a wholesome spanking, even though administered by the Elder of the Commune, might result in the spanker's exile to Siberia.
"Ain't thinkin' it'll hurt my digestion?" "Nope." A flush of angry blood pervaded Bill's face. "Then it's jes' warm an' anxious I am to be hearin' you explain yourself," he said. "Spanker's gone," Henry answered. Without haste, with the air of one resigned to misfortune Bill turned his head, and from where he sat counted the dogs. "How'd it happen?" he asked apathetically.
Mountague rode up as fast as possible to the scene of action: the overturned phaeton was Lord George's, the other Lady Di. Spanker's; the group of people was composed of several servants, Lord George, Lady Di., and mademoiselle, all surrounding a fainting fair one, who was no other than Lady Augusta herself.
Mountague, to whom even the affectation of feminine softness and timidity appeared at this instant charming, from the contrast with the masculine intrepidity and disgusting coarseness of Lady Diana Spanker's manners. The tone in which he pronounced the single word fear was sufficient to betray his feelings towards both the ladies. Lady Di. gave him a look of sovereign contempt.
It was an elocutionist one, entitled 'Merry-Making Moments, or, Spanker's Wallet of Varieties, with a portrait of Spanker on the bills opening the wallet with an expression of delight or surprise. This was his 'Grand Competition Night, when a 'magnificent goblet' was competed for by all comers, which I had already seen in a shop window, a blue ribbon reposing in dégagé fashion across it.
"Well, Spanker's troubles is over anyway; I guess he's digested by this time an' cavortin' over the landscape in the bellies of twenty different wolves," was Henry's epitaph on this, the latest lost dog. "Have some coffee, Bill." But Bill shook his head. "Go on," Henry pleaded, elevating the pot. Bill shoved his cup aside. "I'll be ding-dong-danged if I do.
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