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You smile at my enthusiasm, Sallust! better be hopeful in chains than resigned to their glitter. You tell me you are sure that I cannot enjoy life in these melancholy haunts of a fallen majesty. You dwell with rapture on the Roman splendors, and the luxuries of the imperial court. My Sallust "non sum qualis eram" I am not what I was!
How I used to swear at that boy for not coming quick enough to fetch my copy! I knew the young scoundrel's step I knew the step of every man and boy in that office. I knew the way each of them went up and down the stairs, and coughed or whistled or spat. What knowledge dies with me now that I am gone! Qualis artifex pereo! But that boy how I should love to be swearing at him now!
I find by experience, that the mind and the body are more than married, for they are most intimately united; and when the one suffers, the other sympathizes. 'Non sum qualis eram': neither my memory nor my invention are now what they formerly were. It is in a great measure my own fault; I cannot accuse Nature, for I abused her; and it is reasonable I should suffer for it.
During the time of Robespierre he is said to have caused the murder of his elder brother and younger sister; the former he denounced to appropriate to himself his wealth, and the latter he accused of fanaticism, because she refused to cohabit with him. He daily boasts of the great protection and great friendship of Talleyrand. 'Qualis rex, talis grex'. PARIS, September, 1805.
That's the sort of thing a bachelor with no children of his own does say, and means of course. Any man who had ever tried to bring up a girl would know that firm hands are totally useless, and, besides, I haven't got any. 'Non sum qualis eram bonae sub regno.... Don't try to translate that if you'd rather not. It simply means that I'm not the man I used to be.
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