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Updated: June 28, 2025
I'm like a hotel keeper with on'y wan bed an' a millyon guests, who come wan at a time an' tumble each other out. I set up late at night an' pass th' bottle with a gay an' careless Dooley that hasn't a sorrow in th' wurruld, an' suddenly I look up an' see settin' acrost fr'm me a gloomy wretch that fires th' dhrink out iv th' window an' chases me to bed.
They have guns that anny boy or girl who knows th' typewriter can wurruk, an' they have other guns on th' music box plan, that ye wind up an' go away an' lave, an' they annoy anny wan that comes along. They have guns that bounces up out iv a hole in th' groun', fires a millyon shells a minyit an' dhrops back f'r another load.
"Well, sir, glory be but times has changed whin they land me gr-reat an' good frind with a fine that's about akel to three millyon dhrunk an' disorderly cases. 'Twud've been cheaper if he'd took to dhrink arly in life. I've made a vow, Hinnissy, niver to be very rich. I'd like to be a little rich, but not rich enough f'r anny wan to notice that me pockets bulged.
'What's this man charged with? says th' coort. 'He was found in possession iv tin millyon dollars, says th' polisman. An' th' judge puts on th' black cap." "Well," said Mr. Hennessy, "'tis time they got what was comin' to thim." "I'll not say ye're wrong," said Mr. Dooley. "I see th' way me frind Jawn D. feels about it.
Supposin' Rockyfellar an' Pierpont Morgan an' Jim Hill shud form a union, an' shud demand a raise iv a millyon dollars a year, reduction iv wurrukin' time fr'm two to wan hour ivry week, th' closed shop, two apprentices f'r each bank an' no wan allowed to make money onless he cud show a union card?
'Well, says Ganderbilk, 'how much d'ye want? he says. 'I'll give ye a millyon. 'Goowan, says th' jook, 'I cud get that much marryin' somewan I knew. 'Thin how much d'ye want? says Ganderbilk. 'Well, says th' jook, th' castle has to be put in repair. Th' plumbin' is all gone to th' divvle, an' they'll have to be a new catch-basin put in, he says.
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