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Be the contints o' the book, Atty, if you don't dhrink I'll knock your head agin the wall, you gommoch!" * Mass, humorously so called, from the fact of those who attend it beating their breasts during their devotions. "Why, thin, by all that's beautiful, it's a good spree; and we'll stick to you like pitch." "Be the vartue o' my oath, you don't desarve to be in it, or you'd dhrink dacent.
"'Ate a gridiron! says I. 'Och, in throth, I'm not such a gommoch all out as that, anyhow. But, sure, if we had a gridiron we could dress a beefstake, says I. "'Arrah! but where's the beefstake? says he. "'Sure, couldn't we cut a slice aff the pork? says I. "'By gor, I never thought o' that, says the captain. 'You're a clever fellow, Paddy, says he, laughin'.
"Why will you try to deceive yourselves? You've no soul and I've no soul, and there's no way that we can have them. If there'd been any way, I'ld have had one long ago. But we'll never have them, and mortals will always outwit us, if they half know how. Shall I tell you how one of them outwitted me a big, lazy, stupid gommoch, with not enough brains to keep his neck safe?"
"'O, by gor, the butther's comin' out o' the stirabout in airnest now, says he, 'you gommoch, says he, 'sure I told you before that's France, and sure they're all furriners there, says the captain. "'Well, says I, 'and how do you know but I'm as good a furriner myself as any o' thim? "'What do you mane? says he.
"Why, you gommoch, isn't that what I'm wantin' to know? You wor ever and always an ass, Paddy, except before you wor born, an' thin you wor like Major M'Curragh, worse nor nothin'. Why the sarra do you be spakin' about the sickness, the Lord protect us, whin you know I'm so timersome of it?"
"'Why, then, says he, 'thunder and turf, says he, 'what puts a gridiron into your head? "'Bekase I'm starvin' with the hunger, says I. "'And sure, bad luck to you, says he, 'you couldn't eat a gridiron, says he, 'barrin' you were a pelican o' the wildherness, says he. "'Ate a gridiron, says I, 'och, in throth, I'm not such a gommoch all out as that, anyhow.
"In throth, the same proverb's a lyin' one, and ever was; but it's not parsnips I'll butther wid 'em, you gommoch." "Sowl, you butthered me wid 'em long enough, you deludher devil a lie in it; but thin, as you say, sure enough, I was no parsnip not so soft as that either, you phanix." "No?
"'Oh, there's many a true word said in joke, says I. "'Thrue for you, Paddy, says he. "'Oh, by gor, the butther's comin' out o' the stirabout in airnest now, says he; 'you gommoch, says he, 'sure I told you before that's France and, sure, they're all furriners there, says the captain. "'Well, says I, 'and how do you know but I'm as good a furriner myself as any o' thim?
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