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Updated: August 7, 2024
And when a new girl comes into the shop boy, don't the buzzards buzz! I came here six months ago and they started it on me. But I wasn't born yesterday. I'd been a manicure in Indianapolis. And they're just the same in Indianapolis as they are in Chicago. And they're just the same in Podunk. "Now, I'm not going to mention any names.
Suddenly on the bulletin-boards in New Orleans, Chicago, San Francisco, Podunk, Liverpool, appear the mysterious "three-eighths," electrifying the watchers of these boards, who begin to jabber and gesticulate and "transact business." It is wonderful. What induced the beardless young man to make this "investment" in "three-eighths" who can tell?
Bernard and from the wolfhound to the half-breed dachshund, which is half German and half Bolshevik and looks the part. "The wind whistles across the Dvina River like the Twentieth Century Limited passing Podunk, and snowflakes are as numerous as retreating Germans were in France a few weeks ago. We have good quarters when we are here, thank fortune for that, and good food, when it comes up.
I was greatly puzzled to know their purpose until, a few days later, there came a letter which, with changes of proper names, ran as follows: PODUNK, , 1880. SIR: We are going to have a fancy fair for the benefit of the Church in this town, and we are getting ready some autograph bed-quilts.
Suddenly on the bulletin-boards in New Orleans, Chicago, San Francisco, Podunk, Liverpool, appear the mysterious "three-eighths," electrifying the watchers of these boards, who begin to jabber and gesticulate and "transact business." It is wonderful. What induced the beardless young man to make this "investment" in "three-eighths" who can tell?
"Hardscrabble," say the scornful Podunkers, "plumes itself on its wealth, but Podunk prides herself on her birth on her extremely old families!" In fact you find all over the republic people talking of their aristocratic families, and their "refined neighborhood," and "refined birth" even where, after all, it may be only a case of refined petroleum.
He also had other holdings "neer Podunk," and "on ye highway leading to Farmington." He was thrifty by divergent and economical methods, since he is credited in the records of the time with stealing a bushel and a half of wheat, of stealing a hoe, and of lying to the court, and of battery.
Then, in a flash, I understood, and as I looked at the rueful faces of the men gathered about me, I laughed until the tears came. "So it was you," I gasped, "who chased us up Broadway?" He nodded. "Yes; but our horses weren't good enough. Where did he take you?" "To the Studio Sixth Avenue." "Of course!" he cried, slapping his leg. "We might have known. Boys, we'd better go back to Podunk."
Sam Jones, from Podunk, is announced in stentorian tones as he makes his advent, but the gem of the dinner, the treat of the evening, the flower of the feast, an Haut Brion of '75, or an Yquem of '64, or a Johannisberger of '61, comes in like a tramp without a word.
The modern phrase of ambition here in America is "social status;" and dealers in heraldry are doing a business so thriving in coats of arms for seal rings and scented note-paper, that I fancy it is this that has suggested the trade in noble titles. The village of Podunk looks down on the neighboring town of Hardscrabble.
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