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Updated: May 28, 2025
Begone into the garden to the foot of the great peach tree; there shalt thou find an anointed twice-anointed one and an hundred turds of my sitting hen; set thy mouth to the flagon and get thee gone again and do thou no hurt to my Gianni nor to me. Then to her husband, 'Spit, Gianni, quoth she, and he spat.
He professes arms not for use, but ornament only, and yet makes the basest things in the world, as dogs' turds and women's spindles, weapons of good and worshipful bearings. He makes pedigrees as apothecaries do medicines when they put in one ingredient for another that they have not by them; by this means he often makes incestuous matches, and causes the son to many the mother.
You shouldn't have broken up with me, but you're still cool, O.K.? I mean, even if you dont let me go all the way with you, your cool. So, like what I'm asking is should we get back together? I know you don't think your parents will like me. But I'll grow on them. I'll write them a song that they'll like. Like 'Love Turds' but with different lyrics. Any way, that's not what I wrote about.
What else could she do? Even she had finally admitted that he was just a good-looking loser. Sure, he could play the guitar and write songs, but she wouldn't be able to face her parents once they found out his most popular ballad was titled "Love Turds". "This sucks," he muttered.
John, said they, now we are paid, he hath gleeked us to some purpose, bobbed we are now for ever. I deny it, said he, he was not here above three days. Judge you now, whether they had most cause, either to hide their heads for shame, or to laugh at the jest. What is that, said they? It is, said he, five turds to make you a muzzle.
The horse having reached the end of his tether, so to speak, halted and, rearing high a proud feathering tail, added his quota by letting fall on the floor which the brush would soon brush up and polish, three smoking globes of turds. Slowly three times, one after another, from a full crupper he mired.
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