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Updated: June 5, 2025
I remember a country schoolmaster of my acquaintance told me once, that he had been in company with a gentleman whom he looked upon to be the greatest paragrammatist among the moderns. Upon inquiry, I found my learned friend had dined that day with Mr. Swan, the famous punster; and desiring him to give me some account of Mr.
"Your Majesty forgets you were then a man like me er not stuffed with straw, I mean," exclaimed Happy, looking embarrassed. "She was fishing," continued the little Punster, "when a huge silver fish became entangled in her line. She stood up, the fish gave a mighty leap and pulled her out of the boat.
The Superintendent, who went round with us, had been a noted punster in his time, and well known in the business-world, but lost his customers by making too free with their names, as in the famous story he set afloat in '29 of four Jerries attaching to the names of a noted Judge, an eminent Lawyer, the Secretary of the Board of Foreign Missions, and the well-known Landlord at Springfield.
When the splendid courtier stood before him for at fifty Sir Walter was still handsome of person and magnificent of Apparel James looked him over and inquired who he might be. When they had told him: "I've rawly heard of thee," quoth the royal punster, who sought by such atrocities of speech to be acclaimed a wit.
Mark the proud dignity of the prelate's reply: "Speak on, sir; I dare your worst objections: If I blush It is to see a nobleman want manners." Punning is a vulgarism that should be scrupulously avoided. An inveterate punster, though his play upon words may rise to the keenest wit, is yet an insufferable bore.
He was at his wits' end, although you must be clever if you can perceive the wits' end of a punster. "That's Morning Star," said he. "Now do you know why I call her Morning Star?" I answered truthfully I did not. "Why," he said, with a merry laugh, "because she's a roarer." "What a pity!" I exclaimed. "But I don't wonder at it if she has to carry you and your jokes very far."
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