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Updated: May 24, 2025
"The war for the opening of the markets of Third-Zealand being ended to the satisfaction of the States, I propose that the accounts be laid before the finance committee. . . ." "Is there any opposition? . . ." "The proposal is carried." "Have I heard aright?" asked Professor Obnubile. "What? you an industrial people and engaged in all these wars!"
The war against the Emerald Republic was voted with uplifted hands by a very large majority. "What?" said Obnubile to the interpreter; "you have voted a war with that rapidity and that indifference!" "Oh! it is an unimportant war which will hardly cost eight million dollars." "And men . . ." "The men are included in the eight million dollars."
An iron bridge thrown across the water and shining with lights, stretched between two piers so far apart that Professor Obnubile imagined he was sailing on the seas of Saturn and that he saw the marvellous ring which girds the planet of the Old Man. And this immense conduit bore upon it more than a quarter of the wealth of the world.
"I claim," said he, "a war against the Emerald Republic, which insolently contends with our pigs for the hegemony of hams and sauces in all the markets of the universe." "Who is that legislator?" asked Doctor Obnubile. "He is a pig merchant." "Is there any opposition?" said the President. "I put the proposition to the vote."
Among the citizens of middle rank and of the liberal professions some resigned themselves to this state of affairs without complaining, believing that it would last for ever; others waited impatiently for its end and thought they might be able to lead the powers to a simultaneous disarmament. The illustrious Professor Obnubile belonged to this latter class.
Obnubile was thrown down several times, but soon succeeded in learning how to demean himself better; after an hour's walking he himself knocked down an Atlantan. Having reached a great square he saw the portico of a palace in the Classic style, whose Corinthian columns reared their capitals of arborescent acanthus seventy metres above the stylobate.
Then Doctor Obnubile bent his head in bitter reflection. "Since wealth and civilization admit of as many causes of wars as poverty and barbarism, since the folly and wickedness of men are incurable, there remains but one good action to be done. The wise man will collect enough dynamite to blow up this planet.
"War," said he, "is a barbarity to which the progress of civilization will put an end. The great democracies are pacific and will soon impose their will upon the aristocrats." Professor Obnubile, who had for sixty years led a solitary and retired life in his laboratory, whither external noises did not penetrate, resolved to observe the spirit of the peoples for himself.
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