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Updated: May 25, 2025
There was on board of his Majesty's sloop Harpy, a man of the name of Easthupp, who did the duty of purser's steward; this was the second ship that he had served in; in the former he had been sent with a draft of men from the Tender lying off the Tower.
"I crtainly did hoffer my political opinions, Captain Vilson; but you must be avare that ve hall ave an hequal stake in the country and it's a Hinglishman's birthright." "I'm not aware what your stake in the country may be, Mr Easthupp," observed Captain Wilson, "but I think that, if you used such expressions, Mr Easy was fully warranted in telling you his opinion."
"Vas hall your money right, Mr Biggs?" inquired the purser's steward. "I didn't count," replied the boatswain magnificently. "No gentlemen are habove that," replied Easthupp; "but there are many light-fingered gentry about. The quantity of vatches and harticles of value vich were lost ven I valked Bond Street in former times is incredible."
"Vel, gentlemen, I purtest against these proceedings," replied Mr Easthupp; "I came here to have satisfaction from Mr Easy, and not to be fired at by Mr Biggs." "Don't you have satisfaction when you fire at Mr Easy," replied the gunner; "what more would you have?" "I purtest against Mr Biggs firing at me."
Mesty also, much to his mortification, was not to be spared. This was awkward, but it was got over by proposing that the meeting should take place behind the cooperage at a certain hour, on which Mr Easthupp might slip out and borrow a portion of the time appropriated to his duty, to heal the breach in his wounded honour.
"Yes, Mr Heasy, quite as good a gentleman as yourself although I av ad misfortunes I ham of as old a family as hany in the country," replied Mr Easthupp, now backed by the boatswain; "many the year did I valk Bond Street, and I ave as good blood in my weins as you, Mr Heasy, halthough I have been misfortunate I've had Admirals in my family."
Now, Captain Vilson, is it not true that I am in a wery hostensible sitevation, but I flatter myself that I ave been vell edecated, and vos vonce moving in a wery different society misfortains vill appin to us hall, and I feel my character has been severely injured by such impertations;" whereupon Mr Easthupp took out his handkerchief, flourished, and blew his nose.
I feel so convinced of your zeal, which you showed the other day in the case of Easthupp, that I am sure you will see the propriety of my proving to the men, by punishing you, that discipline must be enforced, and I shall therefore send for you on the quarter-deck, and order you to go to the mast-head in presence of the ship's company, as it was in presence of the ship's company that you refused."
"It certainly is not of much consequence," replied the gunner, "but still, as sailors, it appears to me that they should fire with the sun; that is, Mr Easy fires at Mr Biggs, Mr Biggs fires at Mr Easthupp, and Mr Easthupp fires at Mr Easy; so that you perceive that each party has his shot at one, and at the same time receives the fire of another."
Tallboys had smuggled on shore; and as soon as they were on the ground, the gunner called Mr. Easthupp. In the meantime, Gascoigne had been measuring an equilaterial triangle of twelve paces, and marked it out. Mr. Tallboys, on his return with the purser's steward, went over the ground, and finding that it was "equal angles subtended by equal sides," declared that it was all right.
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