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Ever since the offertory was begun my missis puts a two-shillin' piece into the waistcoat-pocket of my Sunday suit don't you, Sally?" That's for collection. "And now you can understand my plan. I'd made up to give one shillin' instead o' two, Sunday by Sunday, till I'd paid for my new box-hat. That's how I was goin' to get even with the Church.
It's for a weddin'! You'll never see me wearing a box-hat on Sundays again. Will he, missis?" Not that I don't mean to go to church regular. I've done that all my life. "Yes, you're quite right. Folks in the villages don't go to church as they used to do when I was a young man, and I'm sorry to see it. Folks nowadays seems to have forgotten as they've got to die.
Perryman seemed relieved, and her husband continued: "Well, next mornin' bein' Sunday, the missis managed to get her way, and off we sails to church she in a silk dress, and me in a box-hat. We was twenty minutes before time, for I didn't want people to see us; but, just as we were crossing the churchyard, who should we meet but the parson and his lady? Know our parson?
The text was something about 'robbery of God. There was not a thing I've told you about the 'at that was not put into that sermon. Of course, it was roundabout all about pearls and precious stones and such like; but it was my box-hat he was driving at all the time.
About a fortnight later I met old Charley Shott and says to him, jokin' like, 'Well, Charley, how much did you pay for your Sunday box-hat? 'Cost me nothing, said Charley laughin'. 'I've run up a little bill against his Reverence for that 'at. And, what's more, I've made him pay it! By the way, says he, 'what's become o' their appetites down at the Rectory?
'I've bought it, Sally, I said; 'but you'll never see me wear it. 'Oh yes, I shall, she says; 'you're not nearly such a fool as you try to make yourself out. Well, I went home that day just as mad as mad. If there's one thing in this world as upsets me it's spending money on things I don't want. And there was twelve-and-sixpence gone on a box-hat!
'Sam, she says to me, 'we got a rise, and we must act up to it. 'Right you are, I says; 'but how are you goin' to start? 'Well, she says, 'the first thing you've got to do is to leave off wearing billy-cocks on Sundays and buy a box-hat, 'Polished 'ats, I says, 'is for polished 'eads, and mine was ordered plain, 'If there's no polish on your 'ead, says she, 'that's a reason for having some on your 'at.
There was Tom Henderson, who's no more fit to wear a box-hat than his bull is; and there was old Charley Shott know him? a man with a wonderful appetite for pig-meat is old Charley Shott. "Now, listen to what happened next.
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