huneasiness

If you had been a luckier man in your past life you would not ’ave seen so much difflety and trouble, still you ’ave seen difflety and trouble—I ’ope you will not see so much difflety and trouble in the future—Life: you will live long; you will live to be 69 years of hage and will die of a lingering disease—you will be sick for a long time, and will not suffer much difflety and trouble—sixty-nine years of hage you will live to be—Death: don’t think of death; that is too far hoff a you to think of—but you will die when you are 69 years of hage, and you may ’ope to go right hup to ’eaven, for you will ’ave no more difflety and trouble then—Money: you will ’ave money, and you will ’ave plenty of money, but you must not look for money until you ’ave reached your middle hage—a distant Hinglish relative of yours will leave you money, but you will ’ave difflety and trouble in getting it; do not hexpect to get this money without difflety, no do not cherish such a ’ope—hit will be in the ’ands of a man who wont hanswer your letters nor take notice of your happlications, you will ’ave to cross the hocean yourself; this money will be a good deal of money and will make you ’appy for the rest of your days—Business: you will thrive in business, you will never be hunfortunate in business, you will ’ave luck in business, you will always do a good business, may hexpect to make money by large speculations in business; difflety and trouble in business you will not know—Great Troubles: you need not hexpect to ’ave many great troubles for you will not; you ’ave ’ad your great troubles in your hearly days—Sickness: you will never see no sickness, ’ave no fear of sickness for you will not see none; sickness, do not care for it and make your mind heasy—Friends: you ’ave got many friends, both ’ere and helsewhere, your friends will be ’appy and you will be ’appy, there will be no difflety and trouble between you, you ’ave ’ad trouble with your friends, but you face brighter days, be ’appy—Wives: you will ’ave but one wife; in the third month from now you will ’ear from ’er, you will get a letter from ’er, and in the fourth month you will be married—she is not particularly ’andsome, nor she is not specially hugly, she ’as got blue heyes and brown ’air, is partickler fond of ’ome and is now heighteen years of hage—’Appiness: you will be the ’appiest people in all the land, you can’t himagine the ’appiness you will ’ave—Children: you will ’ave three children, after you are married you will see no more difflety and trouble; you will die in a foreign land across the hocean but you will die ’appy. ’Ope for ’appiness and ’ave no huneasiness.”

Q. K. Philander Doesticks - The Witches of New York