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Dot medticine is Doctor Smith's favorite prescription for dot disease. Und mit all dot you kicks. Vot more do you want? 'Vell, I say, 'I gan no more dake dot medticine. It makes me awful seek. 'Now, Hans, dondt be so unreasonable. You pelongs to dot ped, und whoefer goes into dot ped dakes dot medticine. Dondt you see? 'But I dells you dot I gan no more dake dot medticine. It vill kill me.

He lifts up his hands und says, 'I shoost adtmire you, Hans. 'What for you adtmire me? 'Pecause you vos de piggest kicker dot efer comes into dis hoshpital. Now look at yourself. You vos oxamined und put into de ped to which you pelong. Dere ish de card hanging ofer your hedt vot tells vot vos der matter mit you. Und den dere ish der medticine for consumption in de pottle py your hedt.

It vos awful stuff but I sticks to him aboudt dree veeks. Den I can no more dake it. It makes me so seek to mine stummick dot I gan no more eat anyting. So I say to de steward von morning, 'I gan no more dake dot medticine. I must haf some oder kind. Vell, sir, you should haf seen dot feller look at me.

Ven I goes into dot hoshpital, dey oxamines mine lungs. Den dey puts me into a pedt mit a pig card hanging ofer mine hedt, und dere vos on dot card in pig letters, de vird, CONSUMPTION. I tink dey puts dot card dere to encourage me ven I looks at him. Und in a leedle pox py mine hedt, dey puts a pottle of medticine und say to me, 'You dakes a teaspoonful of dot efery dree hours. So I do dot.

If no oder medticine goes mit this ped, put me in some oder ped dot has a tifferent pottle, I cares not what it is. But no, sir! dey keeps me in dot ped. So I spidts Doctor Smith's tam stuff into de slop bowl, und comes home so quick as I gan." "I could hardly credit Hans' story, and told it as a joke to an old school physician who was familiar with the hospital where Hans had been.