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Updated: May 8, 2025
As already recorded, Dunshie's original calling had been that of a street news-vendor. Like all literary men, he was a Bohemian at heart. Routine wearied him; discipline galled him; the sight of work made him feel faint. After a month or two in the ranks he seized the first opportunity of escaping from the toils of his company, by volunteering for service as a Scout.
And yet there are people who tell us that the formula, O.H.M.S., is a mere relic of antiquity. "Bring in Private Dunshie, Sergeant-Major," says the Company Commander. The Sergeant-Major throws open the door, and barks "Private Dunshie's escort!" The order is repeated fortissimo by some one outside.
On the fourth, he was left to perform this feat unaided, and the mule, acting under extreme provocation, kicked him in the stomach. On the fifth day he was returned to his company. But Mecca was at hand. That very morning Dunshie's company commander received the following ukase from headquarters:
Suddenly raucous and stunning, but oh, how sweet! rang out the voice of Dunshie's lifelong friend, Private Mucklewame. "Halt! Wha goes there!" The cyclist made no reply, but kept his devious course. Private Mucklewame, who liked to do things decently and in order, stepped heavily out of the hedge into the middle of the road, and repeated his question in a reproving voice. There was no answer.
"Do you know what a chiropodist is?" he asked. "No, sirr," replied Dunshie, with unabated aplomb. To do him justice, the revelation of the nature of his prospective labours made no difference whatever to Dunshie's willingness to undertake them.
On his left he could hear the distressing sounds of Dunshie's dolorous progress; but these were growing fainter. The reason was that Dunshie, like most persons who follow the line of least resistance, was walking in a circle. In fact, a few minutes later his circuitous path brought him out upon the long straight road which ran up over the hill towards the trenches.
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