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Updated: May 8, 2025
It is both beautiful and pitiful, as all sacrifices must be; but the years of effort and struggle do not always end, as in the case of the Ardens, with a disappointment and a grief so bitter as to make the self-spending seem all in vain. For the over-study of those two years proved too much for Henry Arden's health.
The white light of a noble self-devotion, reckless of self-spending, reckless of consequence, the joy of a great giving, illuminated her face. As to Richard, he, looking up at her, though ignorant of her purpose, misreading the cause of that inspired aspect, still thought he had never witnessed so graciously gallant a sight.
He writhes again under the wrenching apart of their half-fused lives under this intolerable ache of his own wound. This the best of passion! Why his whole soul is still athirst and ahungered. Not a single craving of it has been satisfied. What is killing him is the sense of a thwarted gift, a baffled faculty the faculty of self-spending, self-surrender. This, the best?
There she had a position, almost an authority of her own the authority which comes of self-spending. But now this innocent pride must be humbled. For the sake of her father, and of those to whom they owed money they could not pay, she must go and ask beg instead of giving. All she wanted was time. Her embroidery work was now better paid than ever.
Images of what had been in his own life, and what might have been the dream of passion which had so deeply marked and modified his manhood Elise, seen in the clearer light of his richer experience his married years the place of the woman in the common life on these his mind brooded, one by one, till gradually the solemn consciousness of opportunities for ever missed, of failure, of limitation, evoked another, as solemn, but sweeter and more touching, of human lives irrevocably dependent on his, of the pathetic unalterable claim of marriage, the poverty and hopelessness of all self-seeking, the essential wealth, rich and making rich, of all self-spending.
Let it be said further, that auto-erotism, self-spending, may be practiced by both men and women, to their healthful benefit, when sexual exercise cannot be secured in any other way. It is only when carried to excess that such action is in any way harmful.
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