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Updated: May 21, 2025
And it is that dread, together with lack of practice, that prevents me from being able to express with perfect clearness what was passing in my soul at that time. I was not in love with Zinaida Fyodorovna, but in the ordinary human feeling I had for her, there was far more youth, freshness, and joyousness than in Orlov's love.
You know, I could not refrain from writing a letter. Here is the answer." On the sheet which she gave there was written in Orlov's hand: "I am not going to justify myself. But you must own that it was your mistake, not mine. I wish you happiness, and beg you to make haste and forget. "Yours sincerely, "P. S. I am sending on your things."
It usually began by Orlov's speaking with laughing eyes of some acquaintance, of some book he had lately been reading, of a new appointment or Government scheme. Kukushkin, always ingratiating, would fall into his tone, and what followed was to me, in my mood at that time, a revolting exhibition. The irony of Orlov and his friends knew no bounds, and spared no one and nothing.
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