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Updated: August 5, 2024
With true prairie courtesy the men had placed chairs for the Rumpety "fahmily," and an unsuccessful attempt was made to converse with them on indifferent topics. Rumpety stood, plainly gloating over his victims, the queer gleam in his eyes growing more intense every minute. Mrs. Rumpety did not share her husband's confidence in the issue.
He planted himself before them and harangued them like any third-rate criminal lawyer. "I tell you, gen'lemen," he declared, "it's no small b'y's job to keep that fahmily in arder!" and he proceeded to describe them as a cantankerous lot, to be ruled only by that ideal justice tempered by mercy which he was apparently a master in dispensing.
"You are prepared, then, to argue your own case?" "I lave me case in the hands of me fahmily. Their testimony will clear me from the false accusations of me innimies. If thim as " "That will do, Mr. Rumpety." "If thim as are " "Mr. Rumpety, that will do."
With which magnificent climax and a profound bow and flourish, he took his seat, and assumed a pose of invulnerable righteousness from which no invectives nor innuendoes of the prosecuting attorney could move him. He had rested his case on the testimony of his "fahmily," and he knew his jury too well to have much anxiety about their verdict.
As one after another of the trembling family shuffled up to the witness-seat and swore, with hanging head and furtive eyes, that Dennis Rumpety was a kind husband and father, who never punished them "more than was just," this model parent sat with gleaming eyes and an evil smirk, resting his case upon the "testimony of his fahmily."
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