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Updated: May 5, 2025
A la-ad without enough book larnin' to r-read a meal-ticket, if ye give him tin years iv polly-tical life, has th' air iv a statesman an' th' manner iv a jook, an' cud take anny job fr'm dalin' faro bank to r-runnin th' threasury iv th' United States. His business brings him up again' th' best men iv th' com- munity, an' their customs an' ways iv speakin' an' thinkin' an robbin' sticks to him.
"Whin th' sicrety iv th' threasury wants to repoort to him, he starts fr'm his office on his stomach an' wriggles into th' august prisince. 'What is it ye want, oh head iv lignum vity? says th' Sultan. 'Bark f'r th' ladies, says he with a chuckle. 'Oh, descindant iv th' prophet, whose name be blest!
I will give him a chat an' a dhrink f'r fifteen cints; an', as we're not, as a frind iv mine in th' grocery an' pothry business says, intirely a commercial an' industhreel nation, if he has th' Sicrety iv th' Threasury with him, I'll give thim two f'r twinty-five cints, which is th' standard iv value among civilized nations th' wurruld over. Prisidint iv th' United States, says ye?
"Th' Sicrety iv th' Threasury was followed be th' Gin'ral Shafter. 'Gintlemen, says he, 'it gives me, he says, 'gr-reat pleasure, he says, 'to be prisint in th' mist iv so manny an' so various vittles, he says.
'Ye'er slave, says th' sicrety iv th' threasury fr'm th' flure, 'is desthroyed with grief to tell ye that afther standin' th' intire empire on its head he's been onable to shake out more thin two millyon piasthres f'r this week's expinses iv ye'er awfulness, says he. 'What! says th' sultan, 'two millyon piasthres bar'ly enough to buy bur-rd seed f'r me bulbuls, says he.
Th' Sicrety iv th' Treasury followed with a gran' speech, highly commindin' th' action iv th' threasury department durin' th' late war; 'but, says he, 'I cannot, he says, 'so far forget mesilf, he says, 'as not to mintion, he says, 'that, he says, 'if it hadn't been f'r the sublime pathreetism an' courage, he says, 'iv th' gintleman whom we honor, he says, 'in puttin' me on th' foorce, he says, 'I might not be here to-night, he says.
F'r Sicrety iv th' Threasury he has a choice iv three kinds iv proud and incompetent fi-nanceers.
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