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I took two sisymoid bones, which I will call poker dice, an' shook thim together in a cylinder, which I will call Fido, poored in a can iv milk, which I will call gum arabic, took two pounds iv rough-on-rats, which I rayfuse to call; but th' raysult is th' same. Question be th' coort: 'Different? Answer: 'Yis. Th' coort: 'Th' same. Be Misther McEwen: 'Whose bones? Answer: 'Yis. Be Misther Vincent: 'Will ye go to th' divvle? Answer: 'It dissolves th' hair.
'In our former war, he says, 'we had th' misfortune to have men in command that didn't know th' diff'rence between a goluf stick an' a beecycle; an' what was th' raysult? We foozled our approach at Bull R-run, he says. 'Ar-re ye a mimber iv anny clubs? he says. 'Four, says Willie. 'Thin I make ye a major, he says. 'Where d'ye get ye'er pants? he says. 'Fr'm England, says Willie.
He might be timpted f'r to come out fr'm cover f'r his native land, but he knows if he goes home to his wife with his hat mussed she won't like it, an' so he sets behind a rock an' plugs away. If th' lid is knocked off he's fatally wounded." "What's th' raysult, Hinnissy?
''Tis written iv Cashum-Cadi an' th' book iv th' gr-reat Gazelle that a manhole cover in anger is tin degrees worse thin hell. He writes in all dialects an' anny language, plain an' fancy pothry, pothry f'r young an' old, pothry be weight or linyar measuremint, pothry f'r small parties iv eight or tin a specialty. What's the raysult, Hinnissy? Most potes I despise.
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