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Updated: May 15, 2025
To any other woman I could have spoken the decisive words which I still hesitated to speak to HER. The utter helplessness of her position her friendless dependence on all the forbearing gentleness that I could show her my fear of touching too soon some secret sensitiveness in her which my instinct as a man might not have been fine enough to discover these considerations, and others like them, kept me self-distrustfully silent.
At certain times and seasons, these noblemen and gentlemen self-distrustfully strayed into the painting-room of a modern artist, self-distrustfully allowed themselves to be rather attracted by his pictures, self-distrustfully bought one or two of them at prices which would appear so incredibly low, in these days, that I really cannot venture to quote them.
No house was near; no one was passing whom I could consult; and no earthly right existed on my part to give me a power of control over her, even if I had known how to exercise it. I trace these lines, self-distrustfully, with the shadows of after-events darkening the very paper I write on; and still I say, what could I do? What I did do, was to try and gain time by questioning her.
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