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No peace, no happiness, no position . . . . One sits like a fat invalid at the same spot, and never a step forwarder. . . . Have you heard that Andrushka Markuzin has been made a head clerk? Andrushka, that fool! While I stagnate. . . . Good heavens! I have lost you, I have lost my happiness. I am a scoundrel, a blackguard, how do you think I shall feel at the dread day of judgment?"
Now they write that the younger daughter, a beautiful, plump young girl, is consumptive.... The father writes to me of that and writes to me for a loan of ten roubles.... Ach! I felt awfully unwilling to leave you, but still I am glad I did not remain another day I went away and showed that I had strength of will. I am writing already. Tell Borya, Mitya, and Andrushka that I vituperate them.
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