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It struck me then what a waste of time it was for a citizen to get loaded and tear the linin' out of a saloon; the place where you can really get the worth of your time and money is a drug store. Hadds and me made one desp'rate plunge for her through the terrific fire she kept up.
I don't suppose that lady could hit a barn with a rock, unless she was inside of it, under ordinary conditions; but I'll bet she didn't miss one out of a possible ten that night. She caught me under the eye with a mouth-organ, on top of the head with a jar of tooth-powder, whilest smaller articles flew off'n me in all directions. "Hadds took holt of her hands and talked implorin'.
A pale, thin sort of man, very red-headed that is to say, not red-headed like some parties I have known, but a sort of bashful red, that would ha' been different if it could; and he wore eight large freckles on his face. There would have been more if there had been more room. Hadds was then workin' for the railroad company, but not happy.
But dear friends and brothers, always there's somebody handy with a fly to stick in your ointment. Once I went down street to see how that sign looked a little ways off, and up rides a puncher. "'Hadds & Scraggs! says he: 'I wonder what kind of merchandise them is? Well, I must take a Hadds and a Scraggs home to show the boys. "He knocked every bit of poetry out of that sign.
Pumpey see her Major afloat on a gory sea, and without askin' for explanations she give a loud holler and fainted on our stock of fancy dishes. "'Here's where we make a lot of money, I don't think, screeches Hadds he was an excitable person, that Hadds. 'Come! he hollers, 'help me get 'em out of here! There's enough chloroform loose to sleep the bunch of us!
There was the Major, apparently bleedin' profusely, yet not carin' a great deal, seemin' more concerned in rockin' bac'ard and forrard and sneezin'. His manner seemed to say, 'So long as you don't interfere with the innocent pleasures of a sneeze I don't care what breaks. There was Hadds rubbin' his head: there was me with my mouth open; and there was the Majoress, leanin' over the counter and smilin' a dark, mysterious smile.
"Well, there was a friend of mine lived at the Transcontinental Hotel. The partition between his room and mine didn't come clear to the ceiling, so when I arrived home late I uset to heave a boot over on top of him and have a chin. He was a nice feller, Hadds.
"So I slung Hadds over my shoulder and we went behind the prescription counter. "I tried to distract his mind by tellin' him a funny story. However, the rip-split-smash outside kind of jumbled three yarns into one.
Inside of ten minutes eight firemen was ready for the hospital; a good citizen took the Major and Majoress in for the night, and all that was left of our promisin' business enterprise was a small heap of wood ashes and a very bad smell. "'Well, says I, 'shake, Hadds; it's all over. "He grabbed my hand, weepin'. "'No, it ain't, Scraggsy, Old Man Rocks, says he.
"'Yes! hollers Hadds. 'What do we look like now? You get three guesses! "'Come along! says I. "Well, dear friends and brothers, our hearts was in that diversion, let alone the stake we'd invested in the store.
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