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"So then we rollicked for a ramps. I see the Majoress smile; she p'inted her finger toward us. "'S-sick 'em! says she. 'Sick 'em, Towser! "It would have been all right; we was playin' on velvet, and could have led that woman out of the store as easy as anything if that concussed Major hadn't 'a' come to in the wrong place.
Inside of ten minutes eight firemen was ready for the hospital; a good citizen took the Major and Majoress in for the night, and all that was left of our promisin' business enterprise was a small heap of wood ashes and a very bad smell. "'Well, says I, 'shake, Hadds; it's all over. "He grabbed my hand, weepin'. "'No, it ain't, Scraggsy, Old Man Rocks, says he.
They made a grand march to the general goods counter, the Majoress still resemblin' a foreign queen. Arrived there, she took up a hairbrush, and with a motion the grandest I ever see in a human bein' she brought it down atop of Hadds' head. Whacko! Christmas, what a crack. "'Now, will you let my Willie alone? says she. "Hadds jumped up and down and rubbed his head.
Mind you, he didn't open his eyes; just sat there, covered with carmine and soothin' syrup, rockin' backward and forrard and sneezin' like George Washington. There was somethin' kind of horrible about it. Me 'n' Hadds looked on petrified. "Then, 'Oh, my poor husband! What are they doin' to you? says a v'ice behind us, and the Majoress skipped across the floor and fell on the Major.
"The young feller opened his mouth twice, but nothin' to suit the occasion seemed to occur to him. He wheeled and tried to walk off dignified, but the matches snappin' under his feet spoiled the effect. "'By-by! says the Majoress; 'come again! "She grabbed a tray of mouth-organs and heaved it after him; they scattered like a shrapnel shell. The young feller didn't wait to close the door.
Prob'ly he's goin' to die on our hands 'twould be just like his unmerciful nerve. Pass me that bottle of ammonia, Zeke. "Then Keno hollered for me. He'd pried the Majoress' mouth open, stuck a cork in to it keep it so, and then fed her the revivifier. She wasn't a handsome woman at the best, but with that cork in her mouth !
"The customer didn't know what to do. "'Well? says the Majoress, sharp and businesslike. "The young feller jumped. "'I beg your pardon, says he. 'I'd like a box of matches. "The Majoress shook her head. "'People don't always get what they like in this world, says she. "'No, says the young feller. 'No, ma'am. And then come an awkward silence. "The Majoress still shook her head.
There was the Major, apparently bleedin' profusely, yet not carin' a great deal, seemin' more concerned in rockin' bac'ard and forrard and sneezin'. His manner seemed to say, 'So long as you don't interfere with the innocent pleasures of a sneeze I don't care what breaks. There was Hadds rubbin' his head: there was me with my mouth open; and there was the Majoress, leanin' over the counter and smilin' a dark, mysterious smile.
"'This is a sad world, she says. "'Yes, ma'am, says the young feller, edgin' for the door. "'But you can have the matches, says she. "With that she hit him square between the eyes with a ten-cent box. The young feller drew himself up proud. "'I don't come in here to get insulted, says he. "The Majoress resumed her mysterious smile. "'Why not? says she.
We heard him gallopin' up the board walk like he was needin' fresh air. We stood stock still for a matter of five seconds, I reckon; Hadds and me scart to move, and the Majoress with her brow wrinkled in thought.
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