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You'd better look out for yourself first, and see what you're up to! RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Lemme go! He plundered his father-in-law! And he's swindling me. A wife, four children, worn-out boots! TISHKA. You can have 'em half-soled. RISPOLÓZHENSKY. What're you talking about? You're a swindler, too! TISHKA. Not at all, sir; never mind. PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh! But what are you moralizing about?
PODKHALYÚZIN. I tell you, we'll make it out of live sables. There's nothing more to be said. USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA. Well, good-by, my emerald! I'll run off now to the suitor. We'll see each other to-morrow, and then I'll report to you. PODKHALYÚZIN. Wait a minute! Where're you going! Just follow me we'll just take a drink of vodka, ma'am. Tishka! TISHKA alone.
TISHKA. There now, it fits you to a T! PODKHALYÚZIN. Well, Tishka, do I look like a Frenchman? Ah! Step away and look at me! TISHKA. Like as two peas. PODKHALYÚZIN. Go along, you blockhead! And you wanted to marry an officer, ma'am! Ain't I a sport, though? I picked the smartest coat I could find and put it on. OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. But you don't know how to dance, Lázar Elizárych.
FOMÍNISHNA. They've cooked cabbage soup with corned beef, and roast goose. BOLSHÓV. Are you gone daft, you old fool? FOMÍNISHNA. No, dear! I gave the order to the cook myself! FOMÍNISHNA goes to the door; PODKHALYÚZIN and TISHKA come in. Don't punish me for my bad memory. The cold roast sucking pig had entirely jumped out of my mind. PODKHALYÚZIN, BOLSHÓV, and TISHKA Haven't you anything to do?
You'll not get rid of me with that. TISHKA enters. PODKHALYÚZIN. What are you going to do to me? RISPOLÓZHENSKY. My tongue isn't bought up yet. PODKHALYÚZIN. Oh, perhaps you want to lick me, do you? RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No, not lick you, but to tell the whole thing to all respectable people. PODKHALYÚZIN. What are you going to talk about, you son of a sea-cook! And who's going to believe you?
That is, the house and the shops even the house he, he, he! PODKHALYÚZIN. What's the matter, sir? RISPOLÓZHENSKY. No, sir; that's just my foolishness; I was just joking. PODKHALYÚZIN. Fine jokes, indeed! Don't you joke about that, sir. The house is nothing; I have such a dream in my head now about that subject, that I must talk it over with you at length. Just come to my room, sir. Tishka!
PODKHALYÚZIN. Help yourself, only hurry up; I'm afraid he'll come. TISHKA arranges something or other; from above descend USTÍNYA NAÚMOVNA and FOMÍNISHNA. TISHKA goes out. FOMÍNISHNA. Now do fix it up for her, Ustinya Naúmovna! You see the girl is all worked up; and, indeed, it's time, my dear. Youth isn't a bottomless kettle, and they say it gets empty. I can say that from my own experience.
RISPOLÓZHENSKY. Police! All burst out laughing. A richly furnished chamber in the house of PODKHALYÚZIN OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA is sitting luxuriously near the window; she wears a silk waist, and a bonnet of the latest fashion. PODKHALYÚZIN, in a stylish frock coat, stands before the mirror. Behind him TISHKA is adjusting his master's clothes, and adding the finishing touches.
Don't forget us poor prisoners. PODKHALYÚZIN. Ah! Olimpiáda Samsónovna, ma'am! How awkward, ma'am! I pity your father, by heaven I pity him, ma'am! Hadn't I better go myself and compound with his creditors? Don't you think I'd better, ma'am? Yet he himself will soften them better. Ah! Or shall I go? I'll go, ma'am! Tishka! OLIMPIÁDA SAMSÓNOVNA. Do just as you please it's your business.
And the other day, when I fell from the steeple, Agraféna Kondrátyevna gave me ten kopeks; I won twenty-five kopeks at heads and tails; and day before yesterday the boss forgot and left one whole ruble on the counter. The voice of FOMÍNISHNA is heard behind the scene: "Tishka, oh, Tishka! He doesn't ask my leave. If he had, I'd know. FOMÍNISHNA comes down the stairs.
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