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"And that's the reason you are here!" sez I, larfin one of my silvery larfs. I thawt if he wanted to goak I'd giv him sum of my sparklin eppygrams. "Sir, you're inserlent. The plain question is, will you haul down the Star-Spangled Banner, and hist the Southern flag!" "Nary hist!" Those was my reply. "Your wax works and beests is then confisticated, & you air arrested as a Spy!"
I'm the father of Twins, and they look like me BOTH OF THEM. I cum to pay a friendly visit to the President eleck of the United States. If so be you wants to see me, say so, if not, say so & I'm orf like a jug handle." "Mr. Ward, sit down. I am glad to see you, Sir." "Repose in Abraham's Buzzum!" sed one of the orfice seekers, his idee bein to git orf a goak at my expense.
Oh, the dreariness of having to explain pleasantry! of appending to your banter Artemas Ward's parenthesis, "This is a goak"! of dealing with people who do not know the difference between a blow and a "love-pat," between Quaker guns and an Armstrong battery, between a granite paving-stone and the moonshine on a mud-puddle! Dear Public, don't begin to be tired yet. I am not.
I was only gettin orf a goak, but you roter hev seen the Old Kurnal jump up & howl. He actooally fomed at the mowth. "This can't be real," he showtid. "No, no. It's a horrid dream. Sir, you air not a human bein you hav no existents yure a Myth!" "Wall," sez I, "old hoss, yule find me a ruther onkomfortable Myth ef you punch my inards in that way agin."
Scacely. & yit numeris persons would have us think so. It's a goak. But we've got the Afrikan, or ruther he's got us, & now what air we going to do about it? He's a orful noosanse. Praps he isn't to blame fur it. Praps he was creatid fur sum wise purpuss, like the measles and New Englan Rum, but it's mity hard to see it.
It may be added that in the island of Ternate the first Mahometan prince reigned from 1466 to 1486; that Francis Xavier, a celebrated Jesuit missionary, when he was at Amboina in 1546 observed the people then beginning to learn to write from the Arabians; that the Malays were allowed to build a mosque at Goak in Makasar subsequently to the arrival of the Portuguese in 1512; and that in 1603 the whole kingdom had become Mahometan.
He thought of the trip to Lombok for ponies that first important transaction confided to him by Hudig; then he reviewed the more important affairs: the quiet deal in opium; the illegal traffic in gunpowder; the great affair of smuggled firearms, the difficult business of the Rajah of Goak.
"As for you," said the enraged female to the landlord, "you're a degraded bein, too low and wulgar to talk to." "This is the sparklin fount for me, dear sister!" cried the lan'lord, drawin and drinkin a mug of beer. Having uttered which goak, he gave a low rumblin larf, and relapsed into silence. "My colored fren," I said to the negro, kindly, "what is it all about?"
Besides, I think it improves a komick paper to publish a goak once in a while. The Barclay County Agricultural Society having seriously invited the author of this volume to address them on the occasion of their next annual Fair, he wrote the President of that Society as follows: New York. June 12, 1865, Dear Sir:
Some of their popularity they may owe to the description of the other boarders, and to the kind of novel which connects the fortunes of these personages. But it is impossible for an Englishman to know whether these American types are exactly drawn or not. The real interest lies in the wit, wisdom, and learning. The wit, now and then, seems to-day rather in the nature of a "goak."
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