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Their merraklis 'scape reminds me of the 'scape of De Jones, the Coarsehair of the Gulf a tail with a yaller kiver, that I onct red. For sixteen years he was confined in a loathsum dunjin, not tastin food durin all that time. When a lucky thawt struck him! He opend the winder and got out. To resoom Old Brown rushes down to the footlites, gits down on his nees & swares he'll hav revenge.
"Mister Ward, don't your blud bile at the thawt that three million and a half of your culled brethren air a clankin their chains in the South?" Sez I, "Not a bile! Let 'em clank!" He was about to continner his flowry speech when I put a stopper on him.
I will hear obsarve that Mrs.Ward is a invalerble womum the partner of my goys & the shairer of my sorrers. In my absunse she watchis my interests & things with a Eagle Eye & when I return she welcums me in afectionate stile. Trooly it is with us as it was with Mr. & Mrs. INGOMER in the Play, to whit, 2 soles with but a single thawt 2 harts which beet as 1.
By perfeshun I'm a exhibiter of wax works & sich." "Good God!" yelled the Kurnal, "the idee of a exhibiter of wax figgers goin into the presents of Royalty! The British Lion may well roar with raje at the thawt!" Sez I, "Speakin of the British Lion, Kurnal, I'd like to make a bargin with you fur that beast fur a few weeks to add to my Show." I didn't meen nothin by this.
Jane and 'Moll' scurried across the yard like rabbits, but stopped at the porch door with well-simulated surprise at the sight of the dragoons. "Gom, I thawt 'e'd set the house a-fire," said Jane thankfully, addressing the company at large, and she bravely bustled through and shrilled at me, "At it again, when your mother's out; y'd better get off to bed afore she comes in. She'll drunk yer."
To make the matter worse, I sat down in the wrong place, where one of the men was to pull an oar; and when, after being told to 'get out of that, with no end of hard names, I asked what bench I should sit on, they all laughed louder than before, which still further overwhelmed me with confusion. I did not then know that what I called a 'bench, they called a 'thwart, or more commonly 'thawt.
There was a time when it was thawt in Virginia that Judge Burford might reach the White House if he would allow himself to be nominated. It's a great change of circumstances. Did you want board with the rooms?" "Well " began Tom. She interrupted him in some little hurry.
Pindargrasp; what does I do. It warnt no good my talking to him he was for going so confounedly the rong side of the post. But I new as how Appy ouse Fitsjerral was the orse as ort to win. Leestways I thawt I new it, and so you thawt too Mr. Pindargrasp only we was both running the rong cent.
I've bin so long amung wax statoots that I can fix 'em up to soot the tastes of folks, & with sum paints I hav I kin giv their facis a beneverlent or fiendish look as the kase requires. I giv Sir Edmun Hed a beneverlent look, & when sum folks who thawt they was smart sed it didn't look like Sir Edmun Hed anymore than it did anybody else, I sed, "That's the pint. That's the beauty of the Statoot.
When I helpt you into the show biznis I told you to dignerfy that there profeshun. Litteratoor is low." He also statid that he was doin middlin well in the peanut biznis & liked it putty well, tho' the climit was rather warm. When the Sircle stopt thay axed me what I thawt of it. Sez I, "My frends I've bin into the show biznis now goin on 23 years.
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