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Resistance was useless, for a varity of reasons, as I readily obsarved. The Seseshers confisticated my statoots by smashin them to attums. They then went to my money box and confisticated all the loose change therein contaned. They then went and bust in my cages, lettin all the animils loose, a small but helthy tiger among the rest.
Betsy Jane and the projeny air well. Yours respectively, A. Ward. I had a narrer scape from the sonny South. "The swings and arrers of outrajus fortin," alluded to by Hamlick, warn't nothin in comparison to my trubles. But if I'm confisticated agin I'm fraid I shall continner on in my present benited state for sum time.
I had sum hosses confisticated in the same way onct, but the confisticaters air now poundin stun in the States Prison in Injinnapylus." "Wall, wall Mister Ward, you air at liberty to depart; you air friendly to the South, I know. Even now we hav many frens in the North, who sympathize with us, and won't mingle with this fight." "J. Davis, there's your grate mistaik.
Sez I, "My fragrant roses of the Southern clime and Bloomin daffodils, what's the price of whisky in this town, and how many cubic feet of that seductive flooid can you individooally hold?" They made no reply to that, but said my wax figgers was confisticated.
"And that's the reason you are here!" sez I, larfin one of my silvery larfs. I thawt if he wanted to goak I'd giv him sum of my sparklin eppygrams. "Sir, you're inserlent. The plain question is, will you haul down the Star-Spangled Banner, and hist the Southern flag!" "Nary hist!" Those was my reply. "Your wax works and beests is then confisticated, & you air arrested as a Spy!"
At larst I got a interview with Jefferson Davis, the President of the Southern Conthieveracy. He was quite perlite, and axed me to sit down and state my case. I did it, when he larfed and said his gallunt men had been a little 2 enthoosiastic in confisticatin my show. "Yes," sez I, "they confisticated me too muchly.
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