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Here have we proscribed caudae, as anti-republican, both public opinions setting their faces against them; and yet a monikin may wear one abroad a mile long with impunity if he will just submit to a new dock when he comes home, and swear that he is the most miserable wretch going.
As it is, sir, they are far better off than I could have expected, or indeed had ever hoped to see them; and of one thing you may be diplomatically certain, that we are universally respected, and that the Leaplow name is never mentioned without all in company rising and waving their caudae." "Hon. , etc."
I was sorely afraid, all the while, he would descend to particulars, and that he might have found some essential points of difference to nip his new-born admiration. Had he asked me, for instance, how many caudae our bishops wear, I should have been badgered; for, as near as I could recollect, their personal illustration was of another character.
As respects the latter, neither of the public opinions was very sensitive, although many of them reflected on the Great National Allegory and the sacred rights of monikins; but as respects the former, there was a very lively excitement. These writers had the audacity to say that the Leaplowers had cut off all their caudae, and the whole community was convulsed at an outrage so unprecedented.
"Well, sir, WE too have our traditions; and an eminent writer, at no great distance of time, has laid it down as incontrovertible, that men once HAD caudae." "A mere prophetic glance into the future, as coming events are known to cast their shadows before." "Sir, the philosopher in question establishes his position, by pointing to the stumps."
That there is no method by which a man can be made to covet a tail, so sure as by supplying all his neighbors, and excluding him by an especial edict. That the perfection of consistency in a nation, is to dock itself at home, while its foreign agents furiously cultivate caudae abroad.
Instead of being destitute of a tail, or of concealing that with which nature had supplied him beneath his mantle, the most gracious dignitary wore no less than six caudae, viz., his own, and five others added to it, by some subtle process of clerical ingenuity that I shall not attempt to explain; one "bent on the other," as the captain described them in a subsequent conversation.
A shudder among the ladies, who, I afterwards ascertained, loved to carry their caudae as high as our women like to carry their heads, proved the severity of the decree. An experienced and seemingly much respected member now arose to make the following proposal.
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