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Sometimes in giddy pauses shone sad eyes yet not reproachful on me; but if I sighed in answer to their shining, Aspiro dazzled in betwixt me and my memory, and bade me 'cease not striving, while her white finger pointed farther onward. For our love-life was a striving, and life's best porcelain was like common clay for fashioning vessels for its use.
The strife consumed the dross of daily, petty hopes and fears, which make the happiness of common lives, and left my soul a crucible receptive for refinement only; and Aspiro tempted me to new endeavors by glimpses of the court which Nature holds, wearing Dalmatian mantle and spray-bright crown, in realms forbidden mortals.
But your faith, like the Mystic's, shall also make your strength; and though Aspiro stoops not to your stature, yet she reigns, and she rewards. Be true. Be firm. Even if it be upon the wreck of some frail, temporal heart-hopes, you must reach higher, till, in the sheen of the approving smile, you read the world-lesson: Salvation through sacrifice. Through strife and suffering excellence.
'I thought, for my sake, she would say, sadly,'you had already done something better than you have. If my soul sickened then, my courage did not falter, nor did her incentive beauty lose any of its charm. I said: 'Give me a task, Aspiro, and I will please you yet. Then she pointed to me what I might do, and my work began.
And it was done retouched and lingered over long, apotheosized by mighty effort. So I offered it to my Fate. Never before, as at that moment, had Aspiro seemed so worthy to be won at any cost. I trembled as I laid my work before her she so transcended Beauty. But still I hoped. I waited for her dawning smile and outstretched hand, ready to die of attained longing when these should be bestowed.
Could this Aspiro of my worship quite dispel my youth-dream had her infatuating presence quite eclipsed my memory of Christine? Alas! I had not meant to be inconstant, but while I strove sullenly for success in uncongenial occupation, she came to me Aspiro came like the truth and light, and taught me to myself.
I will return Aspiro scorn for scorn, and go humbly back, where it is perhaps not yet too late for happiness. With dreary reproaches came memory, disenthralled. I dreamed of my youth, its love, and its aim.
I gave up all to her, time, talent, ingenuity. Studying for her caprices and struggling for her pleasure. How fair she seemed, how worthy any effort! If only I might hope that I, at last, should wholly win her approbation and make our union indissoluble. Her radiant smiles, and lofty, loving words, were hard to win, but then, when won ! Who ever looked and spoke and smiled as did Aspiro?
She, gleaming like ice, transfixed me coldly, and, slighting with her glance my work, asked: 'Can you do no more? I answered with weary hopelessness: 'No more. How cold her laugh was! 'And have I waited on you all these years for this? I echoed drearily: 'For this. 'Well, blot it out, and try again, if you would please me, said Aspiro. With spent strength I cast myself at her feet.
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