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Then comes a keen but joyless view, a calculation, but only a bankrupt's calculation, of the possibility of gains for ever forfeited, of all the grandeur and ocean-like vastness of the bliss which it has lost. Last of all comes before it the immensity of God, to it so unconsoling and so unprofitable; it is not a picture, it is only a formless shadow, yet it knows instinctively that it is God.
No more! but the opened packet under the lamp brought back the sounds, the visions, the very savour of the past a multitude of fading faces, a tumult of low voices, dying away upon the shores of distant seas under a passionate and unconsoling sunshine. He sighed and sat down to read. At first he saw three distinct enclosures.
The next few weeks were for me, as for the invalids, a low delirium, clouded with fantastic memories of Portuguese officials trying to tax calves'-foot jelly; voluble doctors insisting that true typhoid was unknown in the island; nurses who had to be exercised, taken out of themselves, and returned on the tick of change of guard; night slides down glassy, cobbled streets, smelling of sewage and flowers, between walls whose every stone and patch Attley and I knew; vigils in stucco verandahs, watching the curve and descent of great stars or drawing auguries from the break of dawn; insane interludes of gambling at the local Casino, where we won heaps of unconsoling silver; blasts of steamers arriving and departing in the roads; help offered by total strangers, grabbed at or thrust aside; the long nightmare crumbling back into sanity one forenoon under a vine-covered trellis, where Attley sat hugging a nurse, while the others danced a noiseless, neat-footed breakdown never learned at the Middlesex Hospital.
"How much do you suppose Mary cares about his soul? It would have had a chance with you. Its one chance." The unconsoling voice had the last word. For it was not in answer to it that a certain phrase came into her brooding mind. "I couldn't do a caddish thing like that." It puzzled her. She had said it to Steven that night. But it came to her now attached to an older memory.
If he had shown me sympathy, I should have gone on crying. 'I would rather not. Please box my ears. 'I don't want to box your ears. You're welcome to the apple. Only don't take what's not your own another time. 'But, please, sir, I'm so miserable! 'Home with you! and eat your apple as you go, was his unconsoling response. 'I can't eat it; I'm so ashamed of myself.
Ah, why do you look so haggard, so unconsoling. You have heard nothing of her? Give me my clothes. I will pursue her to the world's end. I will find her, though she be hid deep as the centre." "Sir, be pacified," said the servant, "she is safe." "Safe," cried our lover, "why then does she not appear to comfort me? But haste, I will fly to her. I will clasp, I will lock her, in my arms.
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