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"Whin ye come up, did ye see Dorgan?" asked Mr. Dooley. "Which Dorgan?" asked Mr. McKenna. "Why, to be sure, Hugh O'Neill Dorgan, him that was sicrety iv Deerin' Shtreet branch number wan hundred an' eight iv th' Ancient Ordher iv Scow Unloaders, him that has th' red lambrequin on his throat, that married th' second time to Dinnihy's aunt an' we give a shivaree to him.
He wore his club unyform, gray pants, black leather belt, an' blue shirt. His opponent, th' sicrety iv war, was visibly narvous. Th' prisident was first off th' tee with an excellent three while his opponent was almost hopelessly bunkered in a camera. But he made a gallant recovery with a vaccuum cleaner an' was aven with th' prisidint in four.
'It's Choosdah, th' fourth iv July; Winsdah, th' eighth iv October, an' Thursdah, the sivinteenth iv March, he says. 'Pathrick's day, says th' sicrety iv state. 'Thrue f'r ye, says Woo. 'What year? says Jawn Hay. 'The year iv th' big wind, says Woo. 'Good, says John Hay, 'proceed with ye'er story. 'Here's th' letther, says Woo.
'Return, he says, 'to ye'er native land, an' receive anny gratichood th' Sicrety iv War can spare fr'm his own fam'ly, he says. 'F'r me, he says, 'there is no way but f'r to tur-rn me back upon this festive scene, he says, 'an' go where jooty calls me, he says.
'Go back to me gr-reat an' good frind an' tell him that th' hear-rt iv th' raypublican party throbs f'r him, he says. 'An' Sicrety Hay's, he says, 'an' mine, he says, 'unofficially, he says. 'Me official hear-rt, he says, 'is not permitted be th' constitootion to throb durin' wurrukin' hours, he says. "An' so it goes.
'Tis exthraordinney how a man learns to manage military affairs be auditin' thrip sheets an' rentin' signs in a sthreet-car to chewin' gum imporyums. If Gin'ral Washington iv sacred mimory 'd been under a good sthreet-car Sicrety iv War, he'd 've wore a bell punch to ring up ivry time he killed a Hessian.
McMahon had too much money annyhow. If he'd kept on, dollar bills'd have been extinct outside iv his house. But he was a sthrong man in thim days an' much liked." "Anyhow, Lafferty, that was his sicrety, come in, an' says he: 'What are ye doin' there? says he. 'Step soft, says I; 'I am at wurruk, I says. 'Ye shudden't do lithry wurruk on an empty stomach, says he.
Th' prisidint was within hailin' distance iv home on his sixteenth shot, while his opponent had played eighteen. But th' pace had been too swift an' it was merely a question iv which wud be th' first to crack. That misfortune fell to th' lot iv th' sicrety iv war. Findin' himsilf in a bad lie, he undhertook to use a brassy in a spirit iv nawthin' venture nawthin' gain.
Well, I'd got as far down as th' tariff an' was thryin' f'r to express me opinyon without swearin', whin who shud come in but Lafferty, that was sicrety iv McMahon, that was th' Main Guy in thim days, but aftherward thrun down on account iv him mixin' up between th' Rorkes an' th' Dorseys. Th' Main Guy Down Town said he wudden't have no throuble in th' ward, an' he declared McMahon out.
Th' Sicrety iv th' Three-asury has a scheme f'r roonin' thim be lindin' thim money. Th' Sicrety iv th' Navy wants to sue thim befure th' Mattsachusetts Supreme Coort. I've heerd that th' Prisident is arrangin' a knee dhrill, with th' idee iv prayin' th' villyans to th' divvil. But these diff'rences don't count.
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