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By order of th' prisidint. Sure!" he said. "'Under penalty av dismissal from th' service av th' company, as ye might be sayin'!" He turned to the list of three hundred words and began to read it. As he passed down the list the frown on his brow deepened.

They say that th' Jap'nese grow up too fast f'r their childher, an' that 'tis no pleasant sight to see a Jap'nese pupil combin' a set iv gray whiskers an' larnin', 'Mary had a little lamb, and if th' Prisidint wants thim to enther th' schools he'll have to load thim in a cannon an' shoot thim in." "We'd bate thim in a fight," said Mr. Hennessy.

He wore his club unyform, gray pants, black leather belt, an' blue shirt. His opponent, th' sicrety iv war, was visibly narvous. Th' prisident was first off th' tee with an excellent three while his opponent was almost hopelessly bunkered in a camera. But he made a gallant recovery with a vaccuum cleaner an' was aven with th' prisidint in four.

'I'm old, he say, 'an' not good-lookin', he says, 'an' me clothes don't fit an' they may be marks iv food on me vest, he says, 'but I'm not more thin half crazy an' annytime ye find me givin' annywan a chanst to vote me into a job dhrivin' a mule an' put in an English prisidint iv this ray-public, he says, 'ye may conclude that ye'er Uncle Paul needs a guarjeen! he says.

'But, he says, 'I'm an old man! he says. 'I was ilicted young an' I niver done annything since, he says. 'I wudden't know what to do without it, he says. 'What ye propose is to make an ex- prisidint iv me. D'ye think I cud stand that?

Ye'd wake up in th' middle iv th' night, dhreamin' that ye was back at th' gas-house with ye'er money gone. Ye'd be prisidint iv a charitable society. Ye'd have to wear ye'er shoes in th' house, an' ye'er wife'd have ye around to rayciptions an dances. Ye'd move to Mitchigan Avnoo, an' ye'd hire a coachman that'd laugh at ye.

"I'm glad t'see th' sight av ye," he said, holding out his hand, "for I do be wantin' some help on these three hunderd worrds th' prisidint has been simplifyin' down. 'T is a turrible job they be, thim three hunderd! Some av thim I never will be after learnin'. Look at this, now," he said, putting his finger on "orthopedic." "And this wan," he said, touching "esophagus." "Thim be tough wans!

An', he says, 'ye might stop off at Cincinnati on th' way over an' arrange f'r a McKinley an' Rosenfelt club to ilict th' British Consul its prisidint an' attack th' office iv th' German newspaper, he says.

'Whin th' Prisidint, he says, 'called th' nation to ar-rms, he says, 'an' Congress voted fifty million good bucks f'r th' naytional definse, he says, 'Thomas Francis Dorgan, he says, 'in that minyit iv naytional pearl, says he, 'left his good job in the pipe-yard, he says, 'an' wint down to th' raycruitin' office, an' says, "How manny calls f'r volunteers is out?" he says.

Dooley: "Nowadays when a lad goes to college, the prisidint takes him into a Turkish room, gives him a cigareet an' says: Me dear boy, what special branch iv larnin wud ye like to have studied f'r ye be our compitint perfessors?" Such are some of the caustic remarks that we occasionally hear.