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Another insisted that he knowed me, and that I wuz Vallandigham himself, brought down there to be sent through the lines. Then I thought sure they'd kill me on the spot. I begged and pled and denied. Finally, they organized a court-martial to try me for my life. "They had an awful tonguey feller that acted as Prosecutin' Attorney, and the way he blackguarded me was a shame.
"Calc'late I foller you, Bob.... Git your point of view exact.... About prosecutin' attorneys, Bob, I prefer 'em married." "Mr. Baines," said Bob, "if I could get Sarah Pound to marry me, I wouldn't give a tinker's dam who was prosecutor." "Mishandlin' of fact sim'lar to that," said Scattergood, dryly, "has been done nigh on to a billion times.... Any idee how Sairy stands on sich a proposition?"
They cut him down, larruped him with the tent-rope, and then started another court to try me for havin' sich a son. But some officer come in and took out the Prosecutin' Attorney and the lawyer for the defense and the Presidin' Judge and bucked and gagged 'em. This cooled things down agin till mornin'."
But Sarah was a woman. What symptoms she exhibited were meaningless even to Scattergood. "Bob," said Scattergood, one auspicious day, "got any pref'rence for prosecutin' attorneys married or single?" "It depends," said Bob, cautiously. "Um!... How's Sairy behavin', Bob?" "She's she's " Bob became incoherent, and then speechless.
Folks will naturally know that justice has be'n properly dispensed with, an' that their taxes won't raise none owin' to county funds bein' misdirected in prosecutin' a public benefactor an' they'll be satisfied.
Th' Anglo-Saxon race meetin's now going on in th' Ph'lippeens an' South Africa ought to convince annywan that give us a fair start an' we can bate th' wurruld to a tillygraft office. "Th' war our cousins be Sir Thomas Lipton is prosecutin', as Hogan says, again th' foul but accrate Boers is doin' more thin that. It's givin' us a common war lithrachoor.
Why, the circuit jedge of this county and the prosecutin' attorney they both bein' personal and political friends of mine.... That's what I done, and if you'll search them records you'll find the word 'easterly' standin' cool and ca'm in every place where it ought to be.... So, if you're figgerin' on litigation, I guess maybe we'll litigate, eh?"
We fellers ain't a-goin' to lay that up agin Jim, air we? We ain't a-goin' to help this yer jack-leg prosecutin' attorney send ol' Jim up. Why, fellers, we knows well enough that airy one o' us might 'a done the same thing ef we'd been out o' luck, like Jim was, in meetin' up with this yer Arkinsawyer afore we'd had our mornin' coffee. What say, boys?
"Like to be prosecutin' attorney for this county, Bob?" Prosecuting attorney! With a salary of twenty-five hundred dollars a year and the prestige! Bob strove valiantly to maintain a look of dignified interest, but with ill success. "I I might consider it. Yes, I would consider it." "Um!... Figgered you would," said Scattergood, dryly. "Hain't got no help in the office," he observed.
"I nuver is preached wid power yit on'y but 'cep' when I sees de sinner standin' 'fo' de bar o' de Lord, an' de witnesses on de stan', an' de speckletators pressin' for'ard to heah, an' de jury listenin', an me I'm de prosecutin' 'torney! "An' when I gits dat whole co't-room 'ranged 'fo' my eyes in my min', an' de pris'ner standin' in de box, I des reg'lar lay 'im out!
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