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He sot out to hang that poor young gal, and now he is willing to pay two hundred and fifty dollars to show the court he was a idjut and a slanderer! I ain't gwine to set down on no such spring gun as that! Dyce ought to be here. When Mars Lennox turns summersets in the court, before the judge, I don't want to belong to his circus but, oh Lord! If I could only find out which side he raily is on?"
As soon as he see it was Ma he said, 'Why, sister, the wicked stand in slippery places, don't they? and Ma she was mad and said for him to let go her stocking, and then Pa was mad and he said, 'look-a-here you sky-pilot, this thing has gone far enough, and then a policeman came along and first he thought they were all drunk, but he found they were respectable, and he got a chip and scraped the soap off of them, and they went home, and Pa and Ma they got in the house some way, and just then the letter-carrier came along, but he didn't have any letters for us, and he didn't come onto the steps, and then I went up stairs and I said, 'Pa, don't you think it is real mean, after you and I fixed the soap on the steps for the letter-carrier, he didn't come on the step at all, and Pa was scraping the soap off his pants with a piece of shingle, and the hired girl was putting liniment on Ma, and heating it in for palpitation of the heart, and Pa said, 'You dam idjut, no more of this, or I'll maul the liver out of you, and I asked him if he didn't think soft soap would help a moustache to grow, and he picked up Ma's work-basket and threw it at my head, as I went down stairs, and I came over him.
I suppose it's because the world's round, and I'll be walling in at the school gate again presently." "Don't be an idjut!" Bunty said gruffly. "You'll be sure and certain, Marian, never to breathe a word of it; I've trusted you, and if you keep faith I can go home and come back and no one will know. And lend me two shillings, can you? I've not got much left.
It's always held a little way off from our bodies by the magic of the fairy mermaids." "True enough, Trot," declared the sailor man. "What an idjut I was not to think o' that myself!" In the royal banquet hall were assembled many of the mermaids, headed by the lovely queen, and as soon as their earth guests arrived, Aquareine ordered the meal to be served.
"Going eight days without a drink," suggested Ralph in an undertone; but none of the party was in a mood for humor just then. It was Pete who solved the mystery. "I've got it," he exclaimed, "and I'm a plum-busted idjut not to have thought uv it afore; I've hearn about 'em often enough. This here backterian camel must be one of that bunch of Circus Jesse's." "Circus Jesse!
It bruises my feelins mor'n I'le stand. Lem'me tell you the Gord's truth; argufying with lie-yers is wuss than shootin' at di-dappers, and that is sport I don't hanker after. I ain't spry enuff to keep up with the devil, when you are whipping him around the stump; and I ain't such a forsaken idjut as to jump in the dark. Tell me straight out what you want me to do. Tote fair, Mars Lennox."
"Moral," he said, beaming with self-satisfaction, "is handin' a lesson all wrop up in fancy words so's to set folks cussin' like mad they can't understand it, an' hatin' themselves when they're told its meanin'. Now, if I was goin' to show you what a blamed idjut you was without jest sayin' so " "Shut up!" cried Bill. And without waiting for a reply he read on, " with discretion.
"Is that so?" replied Sandy sarcastically. "Well, yuh just stick around this arternoon, an' yuh'll realize what a plumb egreg'us idjut a feller can become by livin' in town a spell. Why, yuh poor boob, the feller you're backin' to rake in the chips ain't got even a ghost of a show."
As fer Sandy, he's sech a con-se-quenshul Have I got that word right, Sunny?" Bill inquired blandly of the secretary. "You sure have," grinned Sunny, enjoying himself. "'Sech a consequenshul fool of an idjut man," Bill read on, with a glance into Sandy's scarlet face, "'that I hadn't no time but to push him out of this dinin'-room."
And all these scenes of violence came and went accompanied by the unrefined noise of deep vociferations proceeding from a man wounded in his paternal pride, declaring himself obviously accursed since one of his kids was a “slobbering idjut and the other a wicked she-devil.” It was of her that this had been said many years ago.
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