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"Aha!" said he, eyeing me dubiously and scratching his long, blue chin with the spout of his kettle. "A young gent in a jerry 'at lost an' wandering far from a luxurious 'ome in a wood at midnight! And wherefore? It ain't murder, is it? You aren't been doing to death any pore, con-fiding young fe-male, have ye?" "Good God no!" I answered in indignant horror.
So saying, he ushered me into a small room behind the shop where he proceeded to whisk forth a bewildering array of garments for my inspection, until table and chairs were piled high and myself dazed with their infinite variety. "B' James!" cried the little man, blinking, "I'll turn ye out as nobby a little spark as ever cocked a neye at a sighin' young fe-male.
"Who's been savaging the horse, my lads?" demanded Anthony, running a hand over the sweating animal with the caressing touch of a true horseman. "Come, speak up and no mumbling!" "'T were the genelman in the blue spencer as druv up 'ere a while ago cursing 'orrid, an' 'im wi' a young fe-male. A bad 'un by 'is looks an' ways, I think, an' I don't care if 'e 'ears me say it."
Seeing him thus downcast, I laid a hand on his arm and with the other felt in my pocket. "Do you happen to possess a watch, Jessamy?" I enquired. "Aye, for sure," he nodded, "that is, I did, an' a rare good 'un too, but it don't go these days by reason of a brick as was hove at me by a riotous fe-male." "Good heavens!" I exclaimed. "Why?"
"'T is also in ewidence, sir, as you an' your friend 'appening to pass by chance or de-sign, so werry remarkable early in the mornin', stopped to ob-serve same de-funct party o' the fe-male persuasion. Am I right again?" "We did." "'T is furthermore in ewidence, sir, that upon ob-serving corpse, you an' your friend seemed werry much took aback, not to say overcome. Am I "
For instance, if you a-peepin' from the garret winder o' the 'ouse opposite yonder across the street 'ad 'appened to ob-serve a young fe-male on her knees here beside your werry own desk and veepin' fit to break 'er 'eart, pore soul you'd ha' been surprised, I think but I wasn't, no, not nohow " "Do you mean you actually saw a woman here here in my chambers?" "Aye, I did, sir!" "Who who was she?"
"And all valets," murmured Anthony, "all valets are predatory by nature, of course " "I mean as he's a likely cove. Now, talkin' o' corpses " began Mr. Shrig. "But we are not!" said I. "Axing your parding, sir, but I am and, perfessionally speakin', never 'ave I seen a prettier corp', than this 'ere young fe-male in question " "And your experience in such is vast, I take it?" murmured Anthony.
"Who are you, fellow?" "Jarsper Shrig, Bow Street officer werry much at your service, sir!" "And what do you want of me?" "A piece o' paper, sir, as ewidence to establish i-dentifi-cation of de-funct young party o' the fe-male persuasion in a case o' murder or feller-de-see " Here I turned and walked on again in no little perplexity. "What am I to do, Anthony?" I muttered.
The man in the frieze coat removed his hat, bobbed round head at Anthony, at me, and spoke, addressing himself to me: "'T is in ewidence, sir, as you an' another gent 'appened to be a-passin' by when a lately de-funct o' the fe-male persuasion vas took out o' th' river at the hour o' four-two-two pre-cisely, this 'ere werry mornin'. Am I right?" "That is so," I answered.
His opportunity to test his new-born theory came on the following morning when an irritable female voice over at the Santa Fé asked the price on twenty kegs of rivets. "Good morning, Santa Fe-male," he answered, cheerily. There was a moment of amazed silence, then the young lady snapped: "'Good morning'? What is this, the Weather Bureau? I want Comer & Mathison." "Gee!
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