United States or French Polynesia ? Vote for the TOP Country of the Week !
This was in the days of Old Long Sign, be4 the iron hoss was foaled. This was be4 steembotes was goin round bustin their bilers & sendin peple higher nor a kite. Them was happy days, when people was intelligent & wax figgers & livin wild beests wasn't scoffed at. "O dase of me boyhood I'm dreamin on ye now!" New York, near Fifth Avenoo Hotel, Org. 31ct.
I will not call that man who sez my statoots is humbugs a lier and a hoss thief, but bring him be4 me and I'll wither him with one of my scornful frowns. But to proseed with my tail. In my travels threw the Sonny South I heared a heap of talk about Seceshon and bustin up the Union, but I didn't think it mounted to nothin.
So sez I, turnin a leetle red in the face, I spect, "Do you hav the unblushin impoodents to say you folks haven't raised a big mess of thunder in this brite land, Mister What Is It?" He larfed agin, wusser nor be4, whareupon I up and sez, "Go home, Sir, to Afriky's burnin shores & taik all the other What Is Its along with you. Don't think we can spair your interestin picters.
On returnin to the Kitchin I found quite a lot of peple seated be4 the fire, a talkin the event over. They made room for me & I sot down. "Quite a eppisode," sed Docter Jordin, litin his pipe with a red-hot coal. "Yes," sed I, "2 eppisodes, waying abowt 18 pounds jintly." "A perfeck coop de tat," sed the skoolmaster.
On returnin to my humsted in Baldinsville, Injianny, resuntly, my feller sitterzens extended a invite for me to norate to 'em on the Krysis. I excepted & on larst Toosday nite I peared be4 a C of upturned faces in the Red Skool House.
"Let her gush!" roared I, as mad as I cood stick at their tarnal nonsense; "let her gush!" Where upon they all sprung back with the simultanious observashun that I was a Beest. "My female friends," sed I, "be4 you leeve, I've a few remarks to remark; wa them well. The female woman is one of the greatest institooshuns of which this land can boste. Its onpossible to get along without her.
"& I," sed a fat chunky femaile, who must hev wade more than too hundred lbs, "I will be your sweet gidin Star!" Sez I, "Ile bet two dollers and a half you won't!" "Wiltist thou not tarry here in the promist Land?" sed several of the miserabil critters. "Ile see you all essenshally cussed be4 I wiltist!" roared I, as mad as I cood be at thare infernul noncents.
"But I workt hard for the ticket; I toiled night and day! The patrit should be rewarded!" "Virtoo," sed I, holdin' the infatooated man by the coat-collar, "virtoo, sir, is its own reward. Look at me!" He did look at me, and qualed be4 my gase. "The fact is," I continued, lookin' round on the hungry crowd, "there is scacely a offiss for every ile lamp carrid round durin' this campane.
I should be on the look out for the infamus lise of the enemy, got up jest be4 elecshun for perlitical effeck. When all was over and my candydate was elected, I should move heving & erth so to speak until I got orfice, which if I didn't git a orfice I should turn round and abooze the Administration with all my mite and maine. But I'm not in the bizniss.
"I guess not," sed I, "when you put sugar into it. That's the way I allers take mine." "Have you sons grown up, sir?" the man axed. "Wall," I replide, as I put myself outside my beverage, "my son Artemus junior is goin on 18." "Ain't you afraid if you set this example be4 him he'll cum to a bad end?" "He's cum to a waxed end already. He's learnin the shoe makin bizness," I replide.
Word Of The Day