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"Yes," I anserd, "you hav found me at larst, and you would hav found me at fust, if you had cum sooner." She grabd me vilently by the coat collar, and brandishin her umbreller wildly round, exclaimed: "Air you a man?" Sez I, "I think I air, but if you doubt it, you can address Mrs. A. Ward, Baldinsville, Injianny, postage pade, & she will probly giv you the desired informashun."
Presently a perfeckly orful lookin female presented herself at the door. Her gownd was skanderlusly short and her trowsis was shameful to behold. She eyed me over very sharp, and then startin back she sed, in a wild voice: "Ah, can it be?" "Which?" sed I. "Yes, 'tis troo, O 'tis troo!" "15 cents, marm," I anserd. She bust out a cryin & sed: "And so I hav found you at larst at larst, O at larst!"
"Esto perpetua!" he added! "And sine qua non also!" sed I, sternly, wishing to make a impression onto the villagers. "Requiescat in pace!" sed the skoolmaster, "Too troo, too troo!" I anserd, "it's a scanderlus fact!" The newspapers got along at last, chock full of war, and the patriotic fever fairly bust out in Baldinsville.
The sad-lookin man, who had wanted us to drop a tear afore we started to go round, fling'd such quantities of sassige into his mouth, that I expected to see him choke hisself to death. He said to me, in the Beauchamp Tower, where the poor prisoners writ their onhappy names on the cold walls, "This is a sad sight." "It is, indeed," I anserd. "You're black in the face.
One day I whacked this leopard more than ushil, which elissited a remonstrance from a tall gentleman in spectacles, who said, "My good man, do not beat the poor caged animal. Rather fondle him." "I'll fondle him with a club," I anserd, hitting him another whack. "I prythy desist," said the gentleman; "stand aside, and see the effeck of kindness.
The sad-lookin man, who had wanted us to drop a tear afore we started to go round, fling'd such quantities of sassige into his mouth that I expected to see him choke hisself to death; he said to me, in the Beauchamp Tower, where the poor prisoners writ their onhappy names on the cold walls, "This is a sad sight." "It is indeed," I anserd. "You're black in the face.
"Listin man, & I'll tell ye!" sed the strange female; "for years I hav yearned for thee. I knowd thou wast in the world, sumwhares, tho I didn't know whare. My hart sed he would cum and I took courage. He HAS cum he's here you air him you air my Affinerty! O 'tis too mutch! too mutch!" and she sobbed agin. "Yes," I anserd, "I think it is a darn site too mutch!"
"You have no Tower in America?" said a man in the crowd, who had somehow detected my denomination. "Alars! no," I anserd; "we boste of our enterprise and improovements, and yit we are devoid of a Tower. America oh my onhappy country! thou hast not got no Tower! It's a sweet Boon." The gates was opened after a while, and we all purchist tickets, and went into a waitin-room.
There was cries of "Silence! Shame! Put him out! The Skoffer!" "Ain't we at the Spotted Boar?" the lan'lord hoarsely whispered. "No," I answered. "It's another kind of bore. Lis'en. Cromwell is goin' to speak through our inspired fren', now." "Is he?" said the lan'lord "is he? Wall, I've suthin to say, also. Was this Cromwell a licensed vittler?" "Not that I ever heard," I anserd.
A solum female, lookin sumwhat like a last year's beanpole stuck into a long meal bag, cum in axed me was I athurst and did I hunger? to which I urbanely anserd "a few." She went orf and I endeverd to open a conversashun with the old man. "Elder, I spect?" sed I. "Yay," he said. "Helth's good, I reckon?" "Yay."
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