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Yet another, and we are in the midst of a tedious ballet founded upon "Carmen," with the music reduced to jigtime and a flute playing out of tune. A fourth and we suffer a pair of comedians who impersonate Americans by saying "Naow" and "Amurican." When they break into "My Cousin Carus'" we depart by the fire escape. We have now spent eight dollars on divertisement and have failed to be diverted.
"You bet your life I do!" was the answer. "Ain't I got a boy in camp soldierin'?" "Well, I got two there myself," said the policeman; "but that ain't the question now. I see you've got a kind of a little bruised place there on your head. Now then, as a good Amurican tryin' to do your duty to your country at all times, I want you to tell me how you come by that there bruise.
Amurican men are for ever sending things, and the girls just love to have them do it. Seems to me, Aunt Soph, it's about time I came over to teach you how to do things in this benighted isle! Poppar says you're all pretty mouldy, but, short of an earthquake, he can't think of anything better calculated to shake you up, than a good spell of me waltzing around. I guess he's about right.
Neow, yeou'll skasely believe it," he continued, "but it's tre-u, that ef yeou were tew hea-ar me talk at the end of a week, yeou'd he-ardly realise that I was an Amurican at all." "Cray, how can ye?" exclaimed Aunt Christie, "and so wan as ye look this morning too." "Seen my brother?" inquired Crayshaw meekly. "No, I have not," said Miss Crampton bridling. "He's merried.
He proved himself a quick-witted person that night, this policeman did; and perhaps this helps to explain why his superior, the head of the St. Louis police department, on the very next day promoted him to be a sergeant. But when he spoke it was not to Mallard but to the sweeper. "Look here, Mel Harris," he said; "you call yourself a purty good Amurican, don't you?"
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