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Streets so wide you cannot see a creditor on the other side, pavements as smooth as the road to perdition, and tropical trees, plants and flowers, with birds of rare plumage, you feel like sitting on a cold bench in the shade, and wishing all your friends were here to enjoy a taste of what will come to those who are truly good, in the hereafter, when suddenly you are taken with a chill up the spinal column, and a cold sweat comes out on the forehead, and the internal arrangements go on a strike because of the cold, perspiring cucumber you had for lunch, and you go to the doctor, who does not do a thing to you, but scare you out of your boots by talking of cholera, and giving you the card of his partner, the undertaker, telling you never to think of dying in a tropical country without being embalmed, because you look so much better when you are delivered at your home by the express company, and then he gives you pills and a bill, and an alarm clock that goes off every hour to take a pill by, and furnishes you an officer to go home to your hotel with you to collect his bill, and you pawn your watch and sleeve buttons for a steerage ticket to New York, where you arrive as soon as the Lord will let you, and stay as long as He thinks is good for you.
Look, did not this stump come from thy shop?" "I believe it did, sir; does the ferrule stand, sir?" "Well enough. But art thou not also the undertaker?" "Aye, sir; I patched up this thing here as a coffin for Queequeg; but they've set me now to turning it into something else."
Hereupon, the undertaker was anxious to set forth; but the landlady, who was arrayed in shining black silk, thought it a shame that the poor man should be buried with such small attendance. So we waited a little longer, during which interval I heard the landlady's daughter sobbing and wailing in the entry; and but for this tender-heartedness there would have been no tears at all.
"Now, then," said Aunt Martha to the burglars, "I would like very much to hear what any one of you can say in extenuation of having broken into a gentleman's house by night." Without hesitation the tall man began his speech. He had a long and rather lean, close-shaven face, which at present bore the expression of an undertaker conducting a funeral.
A fair profit is, of course, allowable. 'Of course, of course, replied the undertaker; 'and if I don't get a profit upon this or that particular article, why, I make it up in the long-run, you see he! he! he! 'Just so, said Mr. Bumble. 'Though I must say, continued the undertaker, resuming the current of observations which the beadle had interrupted: 'though I must say, Mr.
Getting a small sum from each, she had borrowed from fifteen companies when she at last got the amount demanded by the undertaker. Arthur Daleman, Jr., was not making money as fast as he desired in the business turned over to him by his father, so he had resorted to the loan business.
All that remained was for the buzzard to flap his wings once or twice in a speech; then the jury would hold a short consultation, a few words would follow from the presiding Judge, and the carcass would be ready for the official undertaker, the prison Warden. How wonderful the system, how mighty the results!
"Likewise voted to have the length of said house sixty-two by forty-eight feet, the posts to said house to be twenty-seven feet in length, and that the undertaker to build the house give bonds, with good bondsmen, to fulfil the contract." The contract was given to John Putman, Jr.
Does anybody remember the opera of The Inca, and that heart-breaking episode where the Court Undertaker, in a morbid desire to increase his professional skill, deliberately accomplishes the destruction of his middle-aged relatives in order to inter them for the sake of practice?
But ere they had set foot on the rubbish they stopped. Half a dozen resolute men faced them. They were armed. "That's far enough, boys," warned a powerful voice. "I told you we have all been sworn in as deputy police, with all the laws of the state back of us. The first man that steps across that pile of bricks will go to the hospital, the second man to the undertaker." Ah, the vanity of Dawn!
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